Christian Cosmo

I’ll admit it: this post was a little more difficult to write because it’s packed full of things that are so personal, so expect it to be full of my opinions. I’ll just jump right in. ‘Ya know how everyone’s always saying, “Oh, just be yourself,” and “be true to you,” but when you do, and it’s not what they expect, it’s almost as if it’s wrong? Oh that’s so annoying. Like how, for some of us, “being ourselves” may seem like we’re being fake, but we just genuinely love fashion, make up, and all things sparkly. Anyone with me on this?

Let me just tell you folks, if I had a nickel for every good hearted Christian lady who told me that I was “beautiful just the way God made [me],” I’d be able to buy all the makeup and clothes I’ve ever wanted. Um, hello sis, you think I don’t know that? I believe, with all of my heart, that everything God made is beautiful. I am all about the love – loving God, loving others, loving nature, loving self- we should LOVE. IT. ALL. However, please, for the love, stop assuming that I am a tiny, vain girl just because I prefer a full face of makeup. Puh-lease. Just because I love Jesus, that does not that mean I have to give up my love for fashion and beauty. Though it’s not my top preference, I am 100% unashamed to rock sweats, a frizzed ponytail and no makeup to any public location. I just feel better when I’m put together. Who doesn’t?

Everyone Has Insecurities

Admittedly, though I know I’m beautiful and made in God’s image, I have my own insecurities—everyone does. For me, I was born with super thin skin under my eyes, so my veins shine through nice and bright without makeup. When I first wake up in the mornings, I look like I’ve been punched in both eyes. It’s quite lovely (cue the sarcasm). For this reason, my favorite go-to makeup product is definitely concealer. I typically don’t leave my house without it- again, not because I feel I need it, but because I feel much better with it on my face. I’m more confident. Watch out world when I’m wearing my Tarte Shape Tape.

Friend, let me ask you: do you feel more confident and successful when you’re put together or when you’ve put absolutely no effort into your look? Totally possible and cool if you’re good either way, but according to Business Insider, “dress for success” is actually a real thing & more than a popular motto.

Dress for Success

Dressing up affects not only how you feel, but also how others feel around you & it’s also proven to boost your success with abstract thinking.  Business Insider also had these thoughts to share:

“In a study completed at Yale in 2014 that used 128 men between the ages of 18 and 32, researchers had participants partake in mock negotiations of buying and selling. Those dressed poorly (in sweatpants and plastic sandals) averaged a theoretical profit of $680,000, while the group dressed in suits amassed an average profit of $2.1 million. The group dressed neutrally averaged a $1.58 million profit. According to a co-author of the study, this shows that the poorly dressed participants would often defer to the suited ones, and these suited participants could sense this heightened respect, backing down less than they might have otherwise. In another study, participants who dressed up were more likely to engage in abstract, big-picture thinking like a CEO, while those less well-dressed concerned themselves with minor details.”

Before this post de-rails and I give you permission to go max out your credits cards on a new wardrobe, or even worse, limit success to those that can afford nice clothing, let me make the point that I’ve come here to make: if someone wants to dress up nice and wear a full face of makeup, let them – it doesn’t affect your life at all. Instead, giving such permission will release a spirit of freedom to those who are graced with exactly that. Authenticity breeds authenticity, just like conformity breeds conformity. There will absolutely be some people who hate dressing up and wearing make up- don’t force them to do it.

The same scenario is true for kindred spirits of mine who prefer to glow up.

Too often, we as a society force opinions and lifestyles on our people, thus sending everyone into a spiraling frenzy. Please, can we just let these queens be themselves and in the process, let them encourage others to do the same?  When that message isn’t loud and clear, you see competition, greed, restlessness, envy, anxiety, debt, and the list goes on and on. I must be clear, I am not a “anything goes girl.” If you “being yourself” is causing harm to others and/or yourself, is criminal, or doesn’t reflect the heart of Christ…well, I am not here to encourage that.

We spend too much of our lives caring about what people think about us. Caring too much what people think can send us spiraling in one of two ways.

The sad truth is, most of us feel that way because someone has said something. With that being said, cue the stories….

My Beauty Background

There have been plenty of times folks have misjudged me because what I’ve chosen to wear & you probably gathered that by my good-hearted-Christian-lady comment. Any diva church girl can relate, I’m sure. “Honey, you don’t need all that makeup,” or “If God thought you needed all that, you’d be born with it.” Man, we Christian girls just get to sit in the corner and watch all the other girls play dress up, I guess? NOT ME! These comments are not helpful for building up the kingdom because someone is taking their preference and making it the bar that is set for all. You may look at makeup as a mask that covers up who we truly are, but I look at it as something that enhances the beauty that’s already there. It’s like a fresh coat of paint or new floors in an already beautiful, and full of character, home. It’s beautiful on it’s own, but with a fresh look, you see things about the room you’ve never paid attention to before. Just check out our house. It was absolutely beautiful when we moved in in 2015, otherwise we wouldn’t have purchased it. The “after” picture containing our furniture expresses our style, personality and charm. Both are beautiful, but the one we got to design is more us.

Makeup and fashion have always been about creativity and design for me. I have always loved arts and crafts, and honestly, it’s just one more extension of that. I love the art of a blank canvas and creating something that excites me. Notice I didn’t say: I love making myself beautiful. Duh, we already covered that. I’m beautiful & so are you.

I love piecing together outfits and challenging myself to a new type of look. Gosh, I can’t tell you the many hours I’ve spent watching YouTube and learning new hair and makeup tricks. One might think that the fashion and beauty world are full of shallow sharks, and while that may be true, it’s also full of beautiful people empowering others to express the beauty that is within. Many beauty brands give back through philanthropic initiatives with every purchase, just look them up. It’s really a beautiful thing. A few that immediately come to mind are Younique, La Mer, Beauty Blender,  Mary Kay, The Right to Shower, Beautiful Rights & many more!

My personal style is so all over the place, too. You might catch me in leggings and a t-shirt, something hippie-dippy-boho, or my personal fav, something bold. Regardless of what you see me in, it’s appropriate, and it’s for me – not anyone else. Well, we all have our salacious teenage years, but God forgives us for that. In my adult life, what I wear might make a statement, but you don’t see anything you’re not supposed to see, if ‘ya know what I mean. I have never been someone to put on something to impress anyone else or get a lot of attention. I wear outfits and I put on make up because it makes me feel good, and I couldn’t honestly care less if it affects anyone else.

Can anyone raise a hand to that one? Have you ever reached for a bold outfit or lip color and thought, “Should I wear this,” or “is this too much?” Queen, you wear that funky outfit. You rock that bold lip. Anyone who judges you simply wishes they had the audacity and the confidence to wear it themselves.

And maybe they don’t. Maybe they think you’re totally weird, but honestly, who gives? You’re leaning in to who you were made to be, and the more you do that the more others will eventually do the same.

Tomboy to Diva

I grew up a total tomboy thanks to the predominant male population in my household, extended family and neighborhood. I’m pretty sure I went around looking like this for most of my childhood.

In middle school, I began to wear a little bit of makeup and loved it. It was mainly just eye shadows and lip-gloss, but I felt like such a princess. By the time I got to high school, I was wearing pretty much, a full face of makeup. The older I got, the more I aware I became of how judgmental people are – especially Christians (sorry, I said it). Why is it that so much shade is thrown on people who are tapping into what they love? I can’t help my interests are sports or a musical instrument. Why are comments made in hate when someone posts pictures of himself or herself? Why do we judge someone before we even get a chance to get to know him or her?

One summer at church camp we were all sitting around the campfire when the staff asked us all to think of someone we had judged, and then the next time we saw that person, they challenged us to ask them for forgiveness. I thought it was a really nice sentiment, thought of my person, and then moved on, not knowing what was about to happen. Minutes later, after we had called it a night and “lights out” had been announced, this girl I hadn’t met yet, approached me. She introduced herself and then asked for my forgiveness. Imagine my confusion, y’all. “Umm…sure, but I’m not exactly sure why you’re asking me for forgiveness – we’ve never met,” I said. I was not expecting the words that were about to come out of her mouth. She said “Each day I watched you get ready. You put on a makeup…at CAMP! I thought that was very weird, so I assumed you were very shallow and vain. I didn’t get to know you for this reason. I’m sorry I misjudged you. Will you forgive me?” Gulp. Holy Crap! Are you serious? Is this really what goes through people’s minds? I must be oblivious, but how cool was it that she even came up to me and said that. That’s courage. That maturity. Man, when was the last time I marched right up to someone and apologized for judging them? It’s been a hot second.

Don’t Disqualify Yourself

A couple years later, when I was 15 years old, I received my call to ministry. Every fiber in my being knew that God was calling me to go into Youth Ministry, but look at me, I don’t fit the mold. Youth Pastors are either old fat dudes with soul patches or young hipster people, and here I am, the Elle Woods of Youth Ministry.

Why do people say you can’t have beauty and brains? That’s just silly. I just knew that people would take one good look at me and consider me out of place because of the way that I look. Why is that? I figured that their perception of what a Youth Pastor would look like was similar to mine because y’all, that’s what we see. “Here comes Christian, Youth Minister Barbie…what does she know.” I assumed people would say. Well, you know when you fear a certain perception, and you know it’s just a fear and most likely not true, but then all of a sudden, it comes true? Yeah, that happened to me.

One day, during one of my capstone courses during junior year of college, we had “Dress for Success” day. Ha! My professor must have read that article in Beauty Insider. Dress for Success day was basically a day in which we all would dress in what we would wear to a job interview, walk up and down the aisles of the classroom, and the class would tell you exactly what they think of your look. Since I was in college, I didn’t really have anything in my closet that I would ever wear to a job interview. I had jeans and t-shirts, and well, truthfully, clubbing clothes. Because the members of my class were like family, and because I didn’t think this was that big of a deal, I pieced together an outfit. It was nice, but nothing I would wear to a job interview. I wore white dress pants that I wore to the Salsa Club every weekend with my Salsa Class, and I paired it with a pink scooped-neck top. Again, let me reiterate, I would never wear this on a job interview, but I was clothed and it wasn’t sweats. I had no idea what was coming when the professor called my name.

I got up, walked to the front, and the comments started flying. What I was really surprised with were the comments that they seem to just be reaching for, such as “you have something written on your hand, it looks like you forgot something.” Um, that would be a reminder for my next class – didn’t realize you would be staring at my hands for this activity?! Oh, and they really loved the hair-tie around my wrist. What I wasn’t expecting was my biggest fear becoming a reality. I cannot make this up. Someone literally raised their hand and said “You’re naturally really pretty, so you’re going to have to really grunge yourself down in your role as a Youth Minister so you don’t turn on your youth boys.” I was speechless.

Excuse me?! Did you really just say that out loud? I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or offended, but all I know is that it scarred me for quite some time. So, just because I’m decent looking, I have to grunge myself down to be successful and professional? Unfair. The only response that I could come up with is “I hope that I’m professional enough and have a good enough relationship with my youth boys that there will be an obvious boundary in place.” SPOILER ALERT: I was right.

Unfortunately, for years since that comment, I played it safe. I wore dresses that made me look years older, just so I could avoid being the “too sexy” Youth Minister. I felt like I had to cover up a piece of myself to fill these shoes that God had called me to put on for this time and place. In a way, I was disqualifying who I felt I was for what I was told I should be. I mean, had God gotten it wrong? Was it sinful to be a beauty enthusiast? I thought all of these things, sadly. Multiple times I told myself that I needed to “cover up” a piece of who I was to do the work that called me to do. Don’t misinterpret this. I wasn’t wearing anything scandalous and justifying it; I was wearing modest, stylish clothing and since it stood out for it’s style, I felt like it was a distraction from my work. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t be both a fashionistA and a preachA.

The more I grew into my role and taught to the kiddos to “be themselves and never let anyone tell them otherwise,” I knew I had to start taking my own advice. I began letting little pieces of my flair show, and I like to think it was contagious among my youth. I hope and pray that I helped set the atmosphere to one that allowed each person to be true to his or herself.  Now I love being the Elle Woods of Youth Ministry! It keeps life mysterious and exciting. In my recent headshots taken my big bro John, of John Couch Photography (shameless plug), I bought a bright pink suit to show that side of myself off to the world.

There are a ton of boutiques and shops that have very fashionable yet very appropriate items for you Christian girls who may be struggling with the same thing. A few of my favorites are:

Two of my other favorites also give back, and I’m sure you have a favorite one that also does this!

What’s your style? Do you brazenly show it off to the world? If you hesitate to scream YES to that question, ask yourself: why do I, or rather, who makes me, feel this way? Friend, this world needs a little more authenticity! Go ahead and just be you, whether that makes you dressed up like me or livin’ your best sweats life.

Note to Loved Ones

Now, I cannot write this post without addressing the loved one who are always packing in the unsolicited advice about why we should or should not wear something. We hear you, we respect you, and we know these are all words of love. I also see my friends who do not wish to dress up or wear makeup, and of the same type of loved ones are saying things like “Maybe if you wore a little makeup, you’d have a boyfriend.” Ah, dear friends. I’m sorry. Loved ones of these friends – I will politely also tell you to please be quiet and mind ‘ya business. Our job as loved ones is to cheer for each other, encourage each other’s best, challenge one another, pray for one another, and for the love of Jesus, accept and support one another. You may have a style that I don’t get, and that’s cool. I hope you rock it as hard as I’m rocking mine.

What the Bible Says

I know that as a believer in Jesus Christ, we are taught countless Scriptures that lead us to believe at first glance that it’s almost sinful to wear our little black dress and new lip balm on a girls night out; however, I feel like we’re kinda ignoring the context of these scriptures. Here’s a couple of examples….

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV

The word “adorning” is not referring to the actual actions of the hair braiding and the fancy jewelry and clothes, but instead is referring to where the woman finds her source of beauty. If we find our source of beauty from our clothes, jewelry, makeup, others’ approval, followers on instagram…well, then yes, that is wrong. We should instead find our source of beauty from our loving Creator, and if we were “knit together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139)” by that same Creator, “made in [the Creator’s] image (Genesis 1:27),” then in those same places is our source of beauty. Has your Mama ever told you, “it’s what’s on the inside that’s the most beautiful?” Well, Mama is right. Dear friend, the inside is where God knit together your soul, and that’s the most beautiful thing!

The women Peter would be describing in this Scripture would be wearing such things simply for attention – to prove wealth or, well, to show if they wanted a good time. My boy Pete is not saying “don’t do your hair,” but instead, don’t find your worth in how good (or bad) your hair looks. Wear whatever type of jewelry you would like, but don’t think for one second it adds to your personal value. Buy that cute outfit, but don’t let it define you or cause you to go bankrupt. The moment we begin obsessing over clothes, shoes, the latest makeup products, then maybe that’s the time we take a deep breath and pray that God reminds us of what real beauty is all about.

Words of Wisdom from Ms. 9 to 5

One of my favorite people of all time is Dolly Parton. I honestly wish she would run for President because I think she’d lead us into world peace in 2.5 seconds with her beautiful singing voice, sweet accent, loving but no-nonsense personality, big hair, and well, big other things (which she says are “all hers” because they’re “bought and paid for”- Love you, Dolly). Some have thrown shade on Dolly for years for her “plastic” look, but she couldn’t care less.  She told Hadley Freeman in an interview for The Guardian that “I may look fake, but I’m real where it counts.”  Amen, Dolly, Amen. Anyone who has seen Dolly in action, knows this to be oh so true. She also shares a thought that I think can summarize exactly what I’m trying to say. Dolly shares, “A lot of people have said I’d have probably done better in my career if I hadn’t looked so cheap and gaudy. But I dress to be comfortable for me, and you shouldn’t be blamed because you want to look pretty.”

Friends, I’m declaring that the days of judging and sharing your opinions freely like they are gospel are O-V-E-R. We, the divas, will no longer live our lives in accordance to your opinions, but we will instead live our lives in the skin that God gave us – painted up or not – we get to decide.