(Wel)Come Just As You Are

At a very young age, I learned really quickly that I love having people over to my house. For people like me, having people over is honestly magical; however, I understand that this is not the case for every individual. You, my friend, may be the type of person who gets immediate heart palpitations and clammy hands at the mere thought of having guests in your home. Right away you panic at the long list of things that need to be cleaned, bought, and completely renovated before any guest ever steps foot in your home. Phew, how exhausting!

Can I offer you some peace? Can I eliminate some pressure for a second by explaining some necessary shifts in your mindset that may be associated with hospitality? If I do my job correctly in this post, you will walk away with a better grasp of how you can totally rock the hosting game, gain a few low-cost ideas for your next get-together, and ultimately give you a better understanding that it’s not about hosting at all. It will always and forever be all about genuine hospitality – but we will get there, let’s not get ahead of ourselves!

Let me just ask you this: which person are you? Are you the hostess with the mostess or are you the one passed out on the floor when you get the call from your friends that you haven’t seen in ages, that say, “we’re just around the corner and are going to stop by for a bit.” If you are the latter, trust me, even as the hostess with the mostess, I must confess, I have done my fair-share of “oh-crap-they’re-coming” dances. Here are a few of my last minute guest confessions:

• Dirty dishes are tossed into the oven or dishwasher (most of the time both)
• Laundry or random objects are tossed under the bed or in a spot that can’t be seen by the naked eye (garage, spare bedroom, etc)
• Cans upon cans of air freshener are sprayed all over while running around the house like freaks (freaks, plural, because my husband and I both do this crazy-train-dance, together – solidarity!)
• And the mother of all confessions…I have a spot in my house that is comparable to “Monica Geller’s closet” for all of you true, FRIENDS fans

Allow my authentic transparency to cut you some slack in the hosting department. Obviously as soon as they leave, we clean up our mess…we’re not total slobs. If you skip this step then maybe you should consider a cleaning routine to eliminate future panic attacks, my friend. 😉

The point is: having people in our homes shouldn’t be something we run from in fear and insecurity. If you haven’t figured this out already, let me break the news to you: you don’t need a home designed by my homies, Chip and JoJo, nor do you need to “wait just until that next project is finished and then have friends over.” Geez Louise, I think my husband and I went years saying that until we realized that very few people had seen the inside of our home. Friend, I can assure you that there will always be something that you want to do to update your home, or to make it more “you.” There will always be some sort of stain, crack, smudge, or repair that you need to fix. There will always be someone else’s home that makes you feel like yours is a cardboard box. Do not wait to have people over until everything is perfect, or you will never have people over. And don’t we have the same mindset with a God? We want to clean up our whole lives before we feel like we can come to God. God has always and forever had the mindset of “Child, come as you are.” All of the yuck, the brokenness, and shame. God doesn’t run from that but welcomes it, because God can use that. In the same way we should “welCome as we are”- in true transparency – because none of us are super humans.

Homeowners and home renters…can we just take a solid second and praise Jesus that we have a roof over our heads? The alternative is homelessness, which is such a tragic and real thing for nearly 600k people in America.

Here’s the truth, my friend. If you can relate to anything I’ve said so far, you may need a perspective change – one that I’ve had to develop myself.  When people come over to my house, they are not coming in with clipboards to perform a home inspection; they are coming to spend time with my husband and me. Have we forgotten the power of good, old-fashioned company? Don’t get me wrong; I am the queen of all things Hobby Lobby and Home Goods. I love to decorate, host, and throw unforgettable parties; however, if my focus is solely on those decorative details, I’m doing a horrible disservice to those entering my home, as well as myself.

I grew up in the northern part of Winston-Salem in a home that was by any means fancy. I am the youngest of 4 children and my mother was a stay-at-home-mom. We didn’t have the fanciest of things but good-golly we were always happy, we had everything we ever needed & our home was always full of fun and fellowship. Most of the people I went to school with lived in beautiful, Buena Vista homes, which at times made me feel a little out of place, but never insecure. I have never ever been embarrassed of my home and what I’ve been blessed with in my life. Their homes may have been big and full of fancy furniture, but my home was full of first-class love and warmth. Homemade memories were always being made, something Southern & yummy was always being cooked, and you can bet your bottom dollar that if you pull up to my parents’ house, to this day, you’ll see all of our heights from ages 0-now still written in pencil and sharpie on the kitchen doorframe leading to our basement.

When my friends would come over for sleepovers, I would always hear them say “we love coming to your house because it’s so cozy and feels like home.” They were right. It is still the coziest place on earth.

Friend, do you think you have to be qualified for a Better Homes and Gardens cover story in order to invite people into your home? Do you make a million excuses before throwing that party, or having that couple over for dinner? Here have been some of my excuses (again, confession time!)

• My house isn’t big enough…where would everyone sit?
• I can’t afford to throw a dinner party…I don’t have a full place setting & food is expensive!
• What would I do to entertain them? I don’t want them to be bored…
• Projects are halfway done in my house…if one more person asks about that white paint swatch that’s been sample-painted for 2 years, I might flip out
• I don’t have time…sacrificing another week night or even a weekend project for another social hour is not realistic
• Spontaneous hospitality gives me so much anxiety!!!

Is anyone with me on any of these excuses? Well, here’s the thing about excuses…they are fear-driven and keep us from achieving the possible. Here’s what I’ve learned about every single one of my excuses….

Big Memories in Small Places

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For nearly two years in the beginning on our marriage, my husband and I lived in a 500ish sq. ft. guesthouse behind some dear friends of ours. That tiny house saved our marriage in more ways that one.  Man, we had some good times there. In tiny places, you have to find one aspect about your home that makes it unique and play that to your advantage. In our guesthouse, we had an amazing backyard because our friends have 7+ acres of land. Our favorite spot at our guesthouse was the back porch and the yard. We hosted many porch parties and bonfires. People brought lawn chairs and we were set. Obviously in that small of a house, there was no room for a dining room, much less a dining room table, so many of times we pushed together multiple card tables in our foyer/living room and put a super-cute table cloth on, threw some flowers in a vase, and it was extremely charming. People are don’t always remember if there’s a place for them to sit, but they do remember if there’s a place for them in your heart. A simple invitation is so life giving. Truth is, who actually sits down the whole time at a party, anyway?

You might be thinking, “I don’t have a porch or a yard, or any other ‘unique spot’.” I hear you. If you have a tiny space to work with, no countertops or large table for food, don’t feel the pressure to have a sit down meal. Just push back your furniture, put different appetizers of food on trays and sit them in different places throughout your space so guests don’t cluster to one spot. Turn on some music, light some candles, and just show off the space that you do have. We have such a tendency to linger on what we don’t have that we miss what we do have. If you do desire to have a sit down meal in a small setting, I’ve heard of 15-20 people having a full dinner party in a small apartment. Ask to borrow tables and chairs from friends and family and set them up the entire length of your space. If you’re going to splurge, splurge on a nice tablecloth and flowers. It will be a nice anchor piece and will end up making your space look like a million bucks to your guests when they walk inside, just without the price tag. Don’t have space to cook all of the food AND host because you need your kitchen open for guests to mingle? Find recipes for food items that can be cooked ahead of time.

Smaller spaces create more intimacy; so don’t let the challenge of hosting in a small space get in the way of your party dreams!

The Best Parties Don’t Break the Bank

Y’all….one word, two syllables: POT-LUCK (or if you’re my husband, two words, three syllables: COV-ERED DISH). Do not feel solely responsible to host and provide the meal. Ask your friends and family to bring food! Trust me, you’re inviting them into your home and people don’t want to come empty handed. Empower your people to be a part of the fellowship. A potluck represents a piece of every heart at the party & it’s a natural conversation starter. “Girl, what did you put in this pasta salad? I’m going to need the recipe!” Before you know it, your next event is planned because everyone wants Sally to teach a cooking class.

Two words, three syllables: DOL-LAR TREE. I am the green-status shopper of Dollar Tree (equivalent to red status Chick-fil-a ((which I am)) if it were an actual thing – green in their color…yeah, you get it). Do you know how many things you can get there? Don’t feel the need to go out and buy fine china or a full place setting of anything? Paper or plastic is just fine! If you insist on having a place setting, think smart! Some of my go-to places for cute dinnerware on the cheap are Wal-Mart, Target, Big Lots and Hobby Lobby. I got a full Christmas place setting for 10 people at Walmart for $30. Not kidding. You better believe that my Christmas table looks like I spent $500, but I would have to be insane to do that. Girl, get on Pinterest and get you some hacks, and hack your way to a cheaper, yet prettier party. It may take more work, but that’s all a part of the fun! “Emily, I’m not as crafty as you,” you might be thinking. Well, find you a friend that is, and there’s a perfect day of more fellowship for you two! For the love, do NOT spend a ton of money on a party. People want authenticity, and if you’re living outside of your means, that’s not being authentic.

I must note though, if you have nice things or feel guilty about buying nice things, don’t. If you are able, do it! There’s nothing wrong with having nice things. The problem is when the nice things become idols- when you obsess over new things and you have to have them or you burst. When you use your nice things to bless others, God never frowns upon that. Breathe honey, and buy the farmhouse table if you can afford it. Just think of all of all of the fellowship you can have around that thing.

Entertaining happens on a stage. Hospitality happens in your heart.

I’m a planner. I love having every second of a party planned out, but that’s not exactly Biblical. What is hospitality? My girl Jen Schmidt with the blog“Balancing Beauty and Bedlam” says it best in her book, Just Open the Door.

Jen says, “Hospitality is making your guest feel at home, even if you wish they were.” Hospitality is having an open heart and an open door, even when it doesn’t fit into your schedule or your mindset. Hospitality doesn’t just happen in homes. It can happen at the grocery store when you only have 5 minutes to get a long list of items and you see Chatty Cathy approaching you from the end of the aisle.

Entertaining is expensive, exhausting and requires the very best of the best. Hospitality is a give-as-you-are mindset. Entertaining is most of the time, self-driven. Look at my house, my decorations, my food, and my family. Look at all of this hard work that I put in so that you could have a good time. Hospitality elevates the guest over the host. Jen Schmidt also says that it’s “Status-seeking versus servant hood. ‘Here I am’ versus ‘here you are.’” People very rarely remember the details of a well-planned party, but they do remember when you dropped what you were doing to open the door and listen to them when they needed an ear or a place to crash. Hospitality is our biblical calling. More about that in a minute.

Endless List of Projects

My thoughts on this will be short and sweet: every house has projects to be done. Bam. Finished. Can we move on to the next excuse solution and be comfortable with our unfinished floors and 2-year old paint sample on the entertainment center? Looking at myself on this one.

I’m Too Busy

Is this not the mantra of every person in American these days? We overload our calendars so that the very thought of fellowship with others makes us want to run away and bury ourselves in isolation. Here’s a question: why does spending time in fellowship have to be “one more thing?” Why can’t the time we spend together be beneficial and precious? Hospitality isn’t just dinner parties. I know I’ve already referenced Jen Schmidt twice now, but her book Just Open the Door is too good to not reference her “Busy Bees Night” suggestion at the close of chapter four. Instead of the pressure of putting on normal clothes (because yes, it can be a struggle), cooking a meal, cleaning your house, etc. etc., sometimes you can just pick an item that’s on your to-do list and invite friends to come over and bring items on their to do lists! The idea behind busy bees night is to accomplish one thing off your list that can be done among friends – add a bottle of wine for an even better time! Maybe you have Christmas cards that need to be addressed or laundry to be folded…whatever it is, it can be done on Busy Bees night. That way, you get what you need done, you fellowship with your friends, and you get to be a part of seeing your friends live their actual lives and not these dressed up, set-a part times that requires you to put life on hold and set your to do list aside. Let’s multitask! Let me tell you, some true conversation can come out of mindless activities that have to be done on your to-do list. Your to-do list can no longer be an excuse to not see your friends….sorry!

Spontaneous Hospitality is at the Very Heart of Jesus

I am probably the least spontaneous person, ever. I’ve already told you about our frantic “cleaning” when guests drop by barely announced; however, when it comes right down to it, it’s almost never about hosting as much as it is about the heart of hospitality. We’ve talked a lot about how to throw a great party on a budget and with very little space….but each of us have enough “space” in our hearts to be hospitable, and it’s absolutely free.

It’s possible to be a great host of a home without being very hospitable in your heart. You want to know something crazy? I’m about to blow your mind. Jesus was the most hospitable person to ever walk the face of the earth & yet he never owned a home. Hosting is most of the time surrounding the conditions of your home, whereas, hospitality is about the conditions of your heart. Jesus took hospitality on the road and welcomed every person, everywhere. There will be multiple times in each of our lives where we will be faced with a choice to open our hearts (and doors) to opportunities to model Jesus to others, or slam the doors – metaphorically and sadly, sometimes physically— in people’s faces. We can use any number of excuses, some I’ve previously listed and some in your own minds, but at the end of the day, we need to understand how our openness (or closed-ness) can vastly change lives.

In Chapter 4 of Just Open the Door, Jen says “Come and see, He invited as He traveled (John 1:39). Follow Me, He instructed the disciples (Matthew 4:19), Come eat with me (Luke 17:7) as He opened His life with an invitation to draw near. Walk with me (John 18:12), sit with me (Mark 14:32), and rest (Matthew 11:28), as He welcomed those weary. Come drink (John 7:37), as He poured out life-giving water.” She continues by saying “We learn to make room for one more because He first made room for one more. We invite and gather because He did it first. This most amazing host, the One who teaches what it means to invite others into a new way of life, never had a permanent address, yet He is the embodiment of all things home.”

This changes everything for Christians, and anyone else who desires the sweet freedom that Jesus offers. If people wanted Chip and JoJo’s home, they’d drive to Waco, TX. Instead, they call you for advice. They come to your home for warmth and love. Your home can be both a beautiful party spot and a safe haven for God’s people. What matters is your contentment to welcome, just as you are. Yes, with that one thing out of place and in your “I-just-woke-up-like-this” look.

If we want people to come as they are, we should give ourselves the same courtesy. Sometimes, that means welcoming in a friend amidst a pile of dirty dishes in the sink (looking at you, neurotic hubs), or inviting that new person at church over for lunch after the service, even if you have a million things on your to-do list.

As I was approaching the end of my ministry days at Lewisville UMC, I asked some of my youth and college babes what their favorite memories were from our Sunday nights together. You want to know a common factor? Very few of them could remember details from my very well, planned out Sunday night programs, though they “know they were wonderful,” to quote one college kid. Instead they remembered the late night, spontaneous conversations on mission trips, or the times I held their hands when they cried. What does all of this mean? If you are a planner, and you want to plan out amazing parties, you go for it! That could be the setting that introduces people to life-long friends, and never let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t. More importantly, take time, amidst the planning and beautiful table decorating to invest in the people that walk through the threshold of your home or heart. Hospitality is more than just hosting. It’s including all people and telling each individual that they have a place with you. You’ll never go broke doing that – in fact – your reward in heaven will be plenty.

I personally look to Jesus as the ultimate example of hospitality, but I also understand that others that don’t know Him, may look to me. They might look to you.  I can guarantee you that someone is watching you – especially if you have children. The more others, especially your children, watch you “welcome as you are,” they will grow up and do the same because they will see the power that comes from true, genuine hospitality. It changes lives. And if no one else is watching, please understand the power and potential it has to change you by choosing to be open and making room for one more. We should all want to give others a sense of belonging because that’s what we have been given by Christ. Friends, regardless of your knowledge of the place Christ has set for you at His table, trust me…it’s far better than having a seat saved for you at the popular kids’ table, or a place card with your name on it at the reception of the Royal Wedding. Regardless of who you are, where you’re from, what you did (Gosh, I sound more like a Savage Garden song than scripture), Christ handpicked a seat for you at His table. He chooses you, so we should choose others, without any discrimination or selfish inconvenience.

I challenge you to do something: welcome, just as you are & love them just as they are.