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Unemployed but not Finished

I just threw up a little.

Yuck! Does that ever happen to you? Oh, don’t worry, it’s not because this is my first post – it’s because my mother just texted me a link advertising my next assignment in Youth Ministry. Emily Roach, week 2 speaker at Lake Junaluska Winter Youth Event. Are you kidding? I’ve been going on these trips with my youth for years, always enjoying the treasure of hearing great, well established pastors and ministry leaders pour out their hearts and give us a good word from God, but me? I’m not well established. Heck, I’m not even an employee of any type of church or ministry organization anymore. Yet, I said yes to the call with excitement because I know that my future is still youth ministry, just not in the way that I’ve ever known.

Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever say yes to something before you sit down with it long enough to say “HELLO CRAZY PANTS, you aren’t qualified to do this!” Well, that’s what happened here. I have to think in those times, for believers, God’s spirit overtakes us and puts us in step with where we need to go. It’s like God tears down the veil of our human instincts long enough for us to see what God sees, just so we can take a couple chances. Now, don’t misunderstand me. I do not believe that God forces us to anything; however, I believe that sometimes, God allows us to see through God’s creating eyes at the treasure that was made in a secret place, many years ago. We get to see the potential, the calling, the future, and the excitement…even if we don’t recognize it as so in the moment. We just see a really cool opportunity and we’re flattered and honored enough to say “yes.” Okay, that was a lot. I feel the need to rewind a little and give you some context.

I got the call to youth ministry 15 years ago when I attended a weekend called Chrysalis. I thought God was completely insane – in fact, I still think God’s a little off the rocker. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jesus and I’ve dedicated my entire life to following him. When I was 13, I made this personal decision, after growing up fully submerged in the church life. What I don’t get, which I know Moses, Peter, Paul, Mary, and even little Zacchaeus can relate to, is that I’m so not qualified to lead anyone else in a journey of faith. If anyone could hear my internal battles and thoughts, they would run, run away, and never return (Looking at you, Simba). I’m no expert on the bible – heck I didn’t even learn that age-old “Books of the Bible” song that every other kid learned in Sunday School – so I couldn’t tell you the exact order (yes, I’m serious). I’ve never been to seminary. Oh, and to be quite honest, the shuffle on my Apple music goes from Lauren Daigle to Lizzo in 2.5 seconds. I mean y’all, I’m 100 PER-CENT, loved, strong, held, and yours…and I believe in what You Say of me, Jerome, because the truth hurts (if you understood that last sentence, we are officially best friends). Okay…Dr. Pepper is now shooting out of my mouth from laughter. Oh, and the last thing….I laugh at my own jokes. Geez Lord, THIS girl?!

As you read in my about me (pause- if you didn’t read that, you might be a little confused in the upcoming material of this post), I led the absolute best youth in the world. After 8 years of walking with them in ministry, I have fallen in love with all of them and their families. If you cross one of my babes, you best’a watch out. I was, and still am, so invested in their lives.

The scary part was, about five years ago, God started stirring something in my heart that scared me. All of a sudden, as much as I loved my kiddos, I began to consider what my life would be like in a different profession. I began to wonder (obsessively) where my “next step” would be. I felt like the Holy Spirit was trying to communicate something to me and I didn’t quite know the language. So what does every girl do? Duh, she immediately group texts all of her best girls and gets their input. Now, bless my friends’ hearts. They are the absolute best – right after my precious husband and family—for sacrificing and understanding what it means to love someone in ministry. I missed a lot of personal things. I didn’t call enough. I was just always in ministry, and anyone in ministry, I say with confidence, knows exactly what I’m talking about. My girlfriends assured me that I could do anything, and promised to hold me in prayer. I grew frustrated, not with them, but with the concept of “I can do anything.” I knew they were right, and that’s what sucked the most.

Now, I’m about to contradict myself from my previous “I’m not qualified” remarks. With as much humility as possible, and at the risk of sounding like a total snob, I will say that God has blessed me with amazing gifts. Multiple talents. Overwhelming amounts of passions. When people say, “Oh just follow your passion and use your gifts,” it’s not exactly easy for some of us. Okay, you might be thinking, “Poor pitiful, cocky you, you’re so gifted, it must be tragic.” No, hear me out. We are so quick to grow jealous or competitive and totally resent those people, but let me confess what others won’t say and completely blow our cover: it’s the most confusing and heartbreaking situation. It’s not just “follow your passion and use your gifts,” but it’s “Which passion is the most urgent right now, and which gifts do I use during this season?!”

Some of you will work at one job your entire life and be completely set up to use the gifts that God has given you to utterly change the course of history…and that honestly makes me a little jealous. I love roots, I love consistency, I love relationships, and I love being able to see fruits of my labor, although sometimes most of the time, we don’t get what we want. To circle back, it’s the ministry aspect – the sharing Jesus and saying/doing the right things that gets me tripped up sometimes. Sure, I think I would be a wonderful wedding planner or a kick-booty small-town Innkeeper, but deep down I know that whatever I do, I’m meant to use my gifts of Shepherding and Teaching, so I can’t just leave Jesus out of the equation. I must find ways to incorporate ministry into the dreams that I have, and so do you if you love Jesus. My sweet professor in college, Dr. Patty Meyers, always quoted Frederick Buechner in our class. Buechner said, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” In other words, our calling is where our deepest desires and the world’s greatest need intersect.

What are your deepest desires? In your opinion, what is the world’s greatest need? When you put those two together, that’s your calling. Each of us has different desires, and each of us has a different perspective on the world’s greatest need. Some of you might think the world’s greatest need is education, and your deepest desire is for all children to feel loved and accepted. Someone like you would make a great Special Education Teacher or Social Worker. ‘Ya dig? It makes sense!

Well, the truth is, about a year ago, God called me to leave the ministry context I was serving and I immediately ignored that calling.

Fear blinded me, doubt deafened me, and anxiety controlled me. “No, no, things are going great here. I’m secure, I’m mostly happy, and maybe in a couple of years, I’ll move on when I have this perfectly clear sign,” I justified to myself. Well, I should have known that was crap, because I don’t even believe in signs. I believe that we obsess over “signs” so much that we convince ourselves to limit them to blatantly obvious, physical objects, thus ignoring the spirit of God. Let me save us all some time. God has, is, and forever will get the final word. God has amazing patience and a strong will to stomach watching us ignore a constant beckoning of the spirit that calls us to a better, fuller, more abundant life (John 10:10). 

A hard lesson for me to learn throughout this process is that yes, I can ignore God, but it won’t be fun, and it only makes things harder for me.

I can’t make this up. When I ignored this calling, things that I once loved, I started to lose passion for completely. Admittedly, I grew exceptionally anxious to the point of medication use and frequent panic attacks. Aspects of my life that I know are good seemed completely out of sorts in my mind. Probably my least favorite book in the Bible is Job (Yeah, I said it, stone me). I cannot stand the tragedy. I immediately want to flip through the pages. I hate the “in between.” Job was so happy. He had the best life. He found favor with God, but God allowed for everything to be stripped away so that God could prove Job’s faithfulness. Hear me out: God does NOT cause bad things to happen. God does not give your grandmother cancer or kill innocent children in a school shooting. God’s intentions have and always will be a love relationship with all of creation, but since we are in a world of sin, there is trouble. All the while evil schemes are being waged, God is moving in mighty ways to bring beauty from ashes. If you look closely in tragic situations, you’ll see God’s face in some detail, even the small ones.

God did not CAUSE me to feel feelings of anxiety, depression and emptiness. In fact, God actually warned me not to go any further. Equally so, the church I served was, and still is an amazing church. It will always be my home. It was ME who felt out of place. It was ME who knew I was not on the path that God needed me on to advance me to my next assignment. Brothers and sisters, you can totally go your own way, and even be a little happy. Though frustrated with my condition, I was actually very happy, even to the very (best) last day at my church. It will always be a fond memory of some of the best days of my life. However, a friend of mine once said, “Jesus is better.” To make things more specific: Jesus’ way is better. There may be a whole lot of really good things that you can experience in this life – good things that will make you very happy – but these “good things” will never give you “exceedingly great joy” (Matthew 2:10). That type of joy only comes when you follow the light of Christ.

Here I am. Vomiting in my mouth a little, remember? Nervous but exhilarated to see what this next step is all about. Y’all, I am so unemployed. I look for jobs for hours on end, and there’s absolutely nothing on Indeed, Zip Recruiter, you name it, that I see that brings me that joy like I just described. Not going to lie, I probably have at least 1, if not 2, waves of fear that crush my spirit each day. I can go from laughing until I cry, to crying from defeat. I say to myself “I used to be someone and now I’m no one.” Just typing it makes me embarrassed because my identity can get so misplaced. I’m not that girl, and I refuse to be her. I have and will always be a strong, dependent-on-Jesus, woman of God who refuses to back down until she’s thriving in God’s will. Fear keeps us from what is best for us. Fear is liar. Instead of crying and feeling defeated, we should be cracking up, rolling-on-the –floor-laughing, at the devil for trying to scare us out of God’s best. Fear should almost act as alarm to show us we’re on the right path. This whole leap of faith thing is admittedly, all so new to me. I’m a practical, safe, and very well planned-out person. I color code everything. The hard truth for someone like me is that sometimes, the best things can’t be planned out or color-coded. They just happen and you get to experience God using you. You get to be in God’s will. How grateful I am that this is where I am now.

Here’s to all of you that are standing inside of your comfort zone and all of a sudden you wonder : “what it would be like to leap?” Leap without knowledge of a ground to catch you. Here’s to those of you that miss chance after chance to do so. Remember, God is patient. God will wait as long as it takes for you to jump. Sure, it’s a little confusing right now, but the in between is always confusing. Just take my least favorite bible story. Job was blessed with TWICE as much as before at the end of the story because he remembered God’s love and faithfulness. Friends, I can have this confidence because I follow a man who healed the sick and brought dead people back to life. He spoke things, and things happened. I believe in faith that I can look at this wilderness that I find myself in and call forth, in the name of Jesus, a downpour of blessing. A trusted mentor of mine, coaching me through the back and forth of pulling trigger of my resignation said, “God loves you, do you believe that?” Thanks friend, for always speaking truth and boldness to me. Heard ‘ya loud and clear.  Now I must ask YOU, my friend reading this, “God loves you, do you believe that?”

Whatever season you might find yourself in right now, be thankful that the best is yet to come. In the scavenger hunt of my life, God has given me clue 3 before 2, so I’ll just sit here and wait. I know what I’ll be doing ten or so years from now because God has spoken that to me. It’s the in between that has not yet been revealed. I know God planned it that way. God needs for me to learn how to rest and be happy and whole. Those things in clue 3 must be more amazing that I can picture, to demand a season of rest and building of momentum. How do I know?

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40:31 

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him….If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go…The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.  I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them.I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.”

Psalm 91: 1-2; 9-11; 14-16

Did you get that, sister? Brother, did you take that in? If you’re not happy with your life, sacrifice it immediately to God’s hands. Do not delay. What you give back to God, God turns around in double the blessings. Are you afraid to take that leap? Why? Clearly we are told that we are completely protected. “No weapon formed against you shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17),” and “if God is for [you], who can be against you (Romans 8:31)?” Friend, do you hear a voice in the deepest part of your soul trying to communicate with you? Take it from someone who has been there, do not ignore that voice. Do yourself a favor. Don’t ever ignore your intuition or let anyone else downplay your feelings. What you’re discerning could be straight from the heavens, and you responding could affect more people than just yourself. Lean in closely for this next part because it’s important: a calling is not all about you. God calls us for others. God called Jesus for us. Our “yes” affects more than our schedules & family lifestyles; our “yes” could determine the entire course of history. Just think if Esther would have chickened out and never entered the throne room. Things wouldn’t have been good for her people. Ya know?

Well, I’ve quit my job and I’m now just waiting on the next move, and there’s no turning back now. In my moments of fear, I look to the God who created me, I’m held the arms of the man who vowed to love me, and I’m supported and encouraged by a family and friend circle that I don’t deserve. I may be unemployed now, but friends, I am so not finished. This is still just the beginning.

Leap, I dare you.

Slasher Squad: Makeup Tutorial

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have spookiness in my blood. I am the youngest of three brothers and every year growing up, Halloween was always something spooktacular. I went to my first haunted house when I was six, and when I was a little older, and done with trick or treating, we started putting together a home-haunt.

Fast forward a few years to when I started dating my husband (2009). He learned really early on that he would have no say-so in Halloween plans, and that he would always find himself the actor in whatever haunt-dream I was cooking up at the time. When he jumped right in and grabbed the clown mask & was keeping up with my brothers, I knew he was end game (ha!).

This year was my son’s first Halloween, and even before he was born people were expressing their excitement for, not just his birth, but for what he’s be for Halloween. I knew it had to be great, because, um, duh! It’s Halloween & he’s my son. Obviously everyone knows I don’t do cute Halloween, so naturally these is the costume I chose for my son…

All parts of Holt’s costume were purchased; however, I did the vinyl on his overalls and my fabulous stylist custom-cut his wig!

Details on Holt’s costume:

I knew even before Holt was born that I was going to need baby-safe makeup. Don’t worry, I realize that all of you non-Halloween readers are laughing at me right now, and it’s okay, I can deal with your judgment. The first thing out of my husband’s mouth (in regards to Halloween with a baby) was “You’re not putting makeup on our newborn,” so good thing I was already prepared with my research. You’ll find links below to all of Holt’s stuff, including the baby/kids safe makeup! The vinyl I used is Siser Easy Weed HTV and the cuts are custom made – you can message me if you have a need for these!

  • Rainbow onesie– Holt’s is in Navy
  • Wig – completely customized! We glued it to one of his beanies and my stylist cut it to fit his head.
  • Overalls
  • Shoes
  • Makeup

How do you put makeup on a 2 month old? When he’s a sleeping zombie!

I swear…zombie arms weren’t forced… this is how he fell asleep! He’s definitely my child!

My costume: Pennywise!

  • Costume from Amazon
  • White face
  • Detail makeup
  • Shading can be done using any black eye shadow!
  • Poof hair ties from Amazon
  • And to complete the look…..red balloon, blown up courtesy of Publix!

Grand Finale: Derek’s Freddy Krueger Makeup

Obviously I’m not naive to think you came scrolling on this blog post for Holt and me– you came to learn how I achieved Derek’s Freddy face. Well, you’re in luck and you’ve scrolled down to the right place.

If Derek had his way, he’d be Buzz Lightyear every year for Halloween, and obviously that doesn’t go over well with the Halloween queen.

Freddy Krueger is Derek’s all time favorite slasher, so I decided to make all his “nightmares” come true. If you’d like to take a “stab” at this look, check out the tutorial below.

You Will Need:

  • A reference photo of Freddy
  • Eyeliner pencil – in hindsight I would recommend using white because you have to cover it all up with makeup. Any pencil will work – think cheap from the dollar store!
  • A makeup palette & spatula for the silicone – I used this one from Amazon.
  • White paint- I used the one that came with this pallet from Amazon.
  • Silicone Modeling Compound – I used 3rd Degree & found it on Amazon.
  • Foundation & sponge – just a cheap kind that matches subject’s skin tone.
  • Flesh & Blood style pallet- I used this one.

Patience is key!

This is quite the undertaking, and not because you need to be super skilled. It requires a little bit of skill and a WHOLE LOTTA PATIENCE. All in, from start to finish, it took me three hours to do. Of course pros might not take as long as I did.. but it’s a process! Basically it took be longer to do Derek’s makeup than to birth my son. Let that sink in. So here we go…!

  1. First start by grabbing your reference picture and mark up your burns. Don’t overthink this part. Just have fun! Nothing should be symmetrical because when your face is on fire, the fire doesn’t stop to make everything even – haha!

2) Start mixing your silicone compound. This is one of the most time consuming parts because you can only work with a little bit at at time. Part A’s container cannot mix into part B’s container, thus I used a pallet and wiped the spatula after each dip. You have about 10 minutes of working time, so I did it all in sections. And sadly, I don’t have pictures because well… I was mixing on a time crunch!

3) Apply the silicone. Take the spatula and mix it in the compound while it’s still runny. Follow your burn lines and create texture! You want to get it mixed to where it’s not too runny, but also not too thick. Once it becomes too thick, it’s harder to follow the lines & begins to dry. Cover all of your burn lines with the compound and wait for it to all dry. Hint: save the mouth for last so he or she can still hydrate!

4) Apply the foundation. Once the silicone is all dry… it will take at least an hour to make it all the way around & dry…it is time to cover the lines! Here is why I should have used white liner..the black was super hard to cover! Apply a generous amount of foundation all over the working area and it will look more like textured skin!

Looking back we should have had him shave his goatee, but oh well, C’est la vie! I actually had Derek do this part so I could quickly apply my own makeup (since we were running out of time & had no CLUE his makeup would take three hours).

5) Apply makeup to the burn wounds.

  • I took the fleshy-color from the bruise pallet and mixed it with the foundation to create a custom pinky-burnt flesh color. This is the next part that is the most time consuming! For each “hole” of a wound, you’ll insert this custom color. It’s a lot of mixing, but it’s worth it!
  • Once all of the “holes” are filled in, take the brown from the bruise pallet and fill in the “top” portion of the “holes” and give it dimension. I basically did half moons and then blended it.
  • Lastly, take white and fill in random spots that are raised (all over) to give highlight.

6) Fill in the eyes. I wish I had enough product (and time!) to do fleshy wounds around the eyes, but instead I decided just to fill in his eyes with black eyeshadow. You can use any kind.

7) Put on the costume & have fun!

  • Sweater- the one Derek used isn’t available anymore, but this one is good!
  • Hat
  • Claw glove

If you decide to try this look, please leave a photo in the comments below! I promise I’m not cool enough to be sponsored by any of these products…I honestly just used them and loved them!

Enjoy the photos below from our wonderful Halloween!

Keepin’ in spooky, 24/7,

Emily

Infertility, but Sunday’s Coming

Exactly 46 weeks ago I broke the silence of our infertility to rest of the world via instagram. I spoke it. I named it. I shared our story – and that was 2 years after carrying it in silence, aside from family & close friends. I sit here with my coffee cup in hand, once again, and I am reminded that today represents a day of waiting. Today is the Saturday in between Good Friday and Easter. It is day of silence, hurt, and devastation; yet it is a day of hope reserved only for those who know what tomorrow holds. Even if you’re not walking the road of infertility, I think you just might find hope in the words that I am sharing this day.

Just last night, appropriately so, I sat in my closet with the door shut (like any good Christian prayer warrior) and sobbed. I sobbed because of the emotions of Good Friday and I sobbed because just two weeks ago I was told “we are not encouraging anyone to get pregnant during this time,” by a nurse at our infertility specialist. Two weeks ago, the timing was perfect (by my standards). My husband and I were finally at the point where we had the finances to schedule an IUI (intrauterine insemination), and I wouldn’t have to take off work to do so due to my work COVID-19 schedule. It was all lining up, and I just knew this was it.

Except, it wasn’t.

Why cry two weeks later? Well, be assured the waterfall was falling on that day, but two weeks later would have not only been Good Friday, but the peak day to conceive. And we couldn’t. You see, pregnant women are highly susceptible to the coronavirus, and while the doctors have no say over the extra curricular activities of their patients, Derek reminded me, out of love, that it was not wise to have any of those extra curricular activities during this time, due to the risk. I was sad. I was angry. Yet, at the same time, there was a little ounce of faith telling me that he was right – they were right. I guess you could say that it was the size of a mustard seed. Oh how I hate knowing, all too well, the exact measure of that darn mustard seed.

Friends, I’ve followed Jesus personally for seventeen years – I know God has a plan for me. I know I will have children. I know specifically that I will bare some of those children in my own womb, but probably not all of them. Faith tells me so and I do, wholeheartedly, believe that. However, I am human and humans have real, unavoidable feelings. That’s why scripture tells us to not trust or lean into our feelings.

“Whoever trusts in [her] own mind is a fool, but [she] who walks in wisdom will be delivered.”

Proverbs 28:26

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

Our hearts cannot be trusted because they are constantly changing and we are humanly sinful. We are called to lean into faith and not our feelings.

For we live by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

Here’s the deal though, as much faith as I have, my feelings must be dealt with on a constant basis. I believe that we need to feel our feelings – acknowledge them – take the time to name them – and then bring them to Jesus’ feet. Sometimes we need to pull in others to help us deal with those feelings – friends, trusted mentors, pastors, therapists, etc. That’s what I did last night in my closet. I gave myself time to hurt, to grieve and cast them before Jesus. I’ve learned that if I don’t do this, I’ll only hurt more. If I just brush it off to “Jesus has got this,” then I’m not being truthful with myself, and it’s false hope. It’s fake faith.

THE TRUTH ABOUT SATURDAY

Being honest, I hate waiting. I am a do-er. I am the president of the GSD committee. I get “stuff” done (and sometimes that “S” stands for something else – again, I’m human). If I can achieve it, I will. I’ve always gotten good grades, won awards and scholarships, and watch out world if this girl says she’s going to do something. Watch even harder if someone tells her she can’t. It’s just a fact. I’m very much a Peter in that sense. Peter thought he could control Jesus; he thought he could tell Jesus what was and wasn’t going to happen based on some of the somber things that Jesus said. Jesus’ response? “Get behind me Satan.“

The truth about Saturday is this: it was stuck in between Friday and Sunday on purpose. God could have easily raised Jesus from the dead a few minutes later like an episode of The Vampire Diaries, but God knew that the meaning would be different if the people had to wait – if they had to sit with their pain – if they had the opportunity to forget everything Jesus had promised – if they had to spend time remembering their walk with him. There was nothing that Jesus’ loved ones and followers could do to control it. It was God’s plan all along. Friends, whatever “Saturday” you are facing right now, you cannot control it. The timing belongs to God, and the best thing you can do is pray for the patience you need and never lose hope that “God will never leave you or forsake you” (Deut. 31:6). The timing is a part of your story (I have to keep telling myself that as I tell you).

OUR SATURDAYS

Our Saturdays are typically different; our Saturdays are usually much longer than one day. Saturday is a symbol for what all of us will endure at least one time (if not a zillion times) in our lives. I believe that Paul knew what he was saying when he chose “patient” to be the first word of choice in the 1 Corinthians 13 list. Love is patient was the intro to the famous passage of Scripture, meaning above anything, if patience isn’t something you’re willing to endure, then stay far away from love. Romans 12:12 states,

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

When you’re feeling hopeful, rejoice. When your heart is troubled, be patient, and yet still rejoice. Whatever you’re feeling…keep on praying. Remember, feel your feelings (and don’t ever apologize for them), but don’t put your trust in them.

Here’s a little parody to S.M. Lockridge’s famous sermon “It’s Friday, but Sunday’s Coming.”

  • If you’re sad, that’s okay, Sunday’s coming.
  • If you’re disappointed, that’s okay, Sunday’s coming.
  • If you’re discouraged, that’s okay, Sunday’s coming.
  • If you’re angry, that’s okay, Sunday’s coming.
  • If you’re over Friday and Saturday and just want Sunday, it’s okay, it’s coming.
  • If you’re jealous that others’ Sunday’s are already here, that’s okay, yours is coming.
  • If you wonder “why me,” and “it’s not fair”, don’t give up, your very own Sunday’s coming.
  • If you start to lose faith and wonder “what’s the point,” don’t lose hope, Sunday’s coming!
  • If you can feel the dawn of Sunday coming, but it’s still Saturday, it’s okay, it’s coming!
  • If you continue to fall back into the pain of Friday don’t worry, it’s okay, Sunday’s coming.
  • If you have no feelings except that of being stuck, it’s okay, Sunday’s coming.

Ever felt anything like this? I sure have. The very reason I type those specific bullet points are because those are my exact feelings on a dreadful loop. Those are the things that I’ve wrestled with for three years of infertility. Doctors have told me “you’re textbook perfect and so is your husband.” We’ve done all of the tests, we’re tried all of the tricks, we’ve prayed all of the prayers, and yet, here we are: childless.

Here are MY specifics of those bullet points.

  • Disappointed – We put in the work but got unfavorable results.
  • Discouragement- We had a perfectly laid plan and moved heaven and earth to stick to those plans. We sacrificed time, energy, and money to make sure those plans work out in our favor. Yet, we still don’t have the results we want.
  • Angry– We carry this hurt around and people make it worse. They say things like “why haven’t you had a baby yet, it’s about time, you’ve been married for years.” Books, movies, tv shows and a few lucky people make it hard for the rest of us who struggle. While there’s an expectation of immediate fertility, we are over here grieving what we can’t have. It’s like telling someone who just lost a loved one, “are you kidding? Suck it up, buttercup. You should feel better by now.” With all the kindness in the world, you suck it up. You suck up those words you’re about to say because they’re not helpful. Even the kindest words of “it’s not your time yet,” or “Don’t worry God has a plan,” are hurtful. It’s insulting. We know God has a plan. We believe that, but your words are hurtful. They give us a unhelpful and unnecessary sense of urgency and we don’t need that. Thanks but no thanks. For the love of all humanity, people, especially good hearted Christians, just pray for us and stop placing your expectations on us, assuming we have none of our own.
    • Don’t Say:
      • “Relax”– some of us, while infertile, also have anxiety disorder. Telling us to relax is like telling the darkest of clouds not to rain. It’s pointless. It causes more stress on us.
      • “Enjoy not having kids while you can”– Complaining about parenthood in front of a couple who are trying to get pregnant is certainly not helpful, though you may think it brings comfort. We aren’t naive. We know that having kids will bring more stress on our wallets, schedules, and overall brain capacity, but we are ready for that challenge and we pray for it every day. Someone could be praying for the very thing you have been complaining about, so choose your words wisely. Women have complained about their pregnancies in front of me (normal and excusable but nonetheless cruel–know. your. audience before speaking).
      • “You’re still young, you have plenty of time“- This usually comes out of a place of comfort, but it’s actually super false. Some women have shorter fertility windows (or none at all), so age (or length of marriage) is not always an accurate factor.
      • “At least you haven’t had a miscarriage”– My heart absolutely breaks for those who have suffered such a loss. It’s devastating and it’s something I cannot imagine; however, don’t assume the death of a child is worse than no child at all.
      • “Just adopt”– Ahem. First of all, there is no such thing as “just” adopting. Adopting is a beautiful risk and takes such courage on both birth parents and adoptive parents, not to mention the child. It takes emotional strength, the utmost teamwork, extreme financing and/or fundraising, time off from work/family to endure & finalize adoptions, and tons and tons of attacks from the enemy. For my friends who have adopted, I give them the utmost respect. Second of all, don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t wish to adopt first means that they don’t wish to adopt. My husband and I plan to adopt and will have no preference in who that child is when he or she comes to be ours, but I am clinging to the promise that I will carry a child, and I have a feeling that it will be first. Third of all, please read the next point.
      • “Some of friends of mine adopted and immediately got pregnant, because their body relaxed, so you could try that.” – Gosh this is such a beautiful story and I rejoice with those who have adopted and then got the news of a pregnancy. What an amazing double blessing; however, this can come across like a magic formula that is annoying to those of us that are infertile. I’ve heard this one about six times, and all were out of love and comfort, I know that. They are all amazing stories of God’s grace, but be careful in your words to not brush someone’s pain off to “try this, it will work.”
      • “Well, maybe it’s not your time to be parents, or maybe you’ll be parents in a different way.” Friends, you are not God, please don’t tell us what we’re meant to do. End of story.
    • Do Say:
      • “Do you two want children?” This can open up a window of conversation and allow the one in pain to process that pain with the one asking. It shows no assumption or expectation that the couple should or can be pregnant.
      • “How can I pray for/support you (and your partner)?” You never know what someone’s Saturday might be. This gives them the opportunity to let you in and get involved in their Saturday.
      • If you know days or times that might bring all the feelings of “Saturday”, say “I’ve made us plans. I’ll pick you up at (said time).” – My girlfriends have rocked at this. They’ve taken me shopping, they’ve dropped off Halloween baskets of goodies at my door and they’ve prayed for me constantly. They’ve cried with me and for me. Some friends have memorized my lady cycle and know when to say and do the right things. Be this person to your people and help them enjoy their “Saturday.”
  • Jealous– This one is tough to admit, but I get so jealous of others’ pregnancies. Trust me, almost all of my friends have children, and I love their babies as my own. One of my best friends of 20+ years gave me a godson and he is one of my all-time favorite people. I cherish my facetime dates with him more than most things. What kills me is when I see the news of someone’s pregnancy who wasn’t trying to get pregnant. Even worse if it’s their second, third, fourth, etc. child. While I am so happy for all of those who get the joy of a pregnancy and childbirth, I am jealous and angry out of my humanity. I start to say things like “why them God, they already have children,” or “why them God, they’ve never walked the straight and narrow and I have my own life.” Before long I hear the older brother’s tone (Luke 15) in my own voice and I’m convicted. Nonetheless, I must deal with my feelings as real and ask God to see through God’s eyes. I must remember that just because I “ask something in God’s name,” doesn’t mean an immediate (or actual) result. Though John 14:13 says that we can do this, what we ask for must be in line with God’s will and timing.
  • Over it– If you try hard at something and always fail, you will eventually be “done” in your mind, though in your heart you know you’re not truly done until you get your result.
  • Hopeful– Remember that faith the size of a mustard seed? It’s always there and will remain there to get me out of my own head and in God’s.
  • Hurt– I keep putting myself (and Derek) through repeated disappointment.
  • Waiting– I know that one day, Sunday is coming and we will get news of a little precious miracle, I just need to be expectant.

Want to know something that gives me peace and keeps me in that last time period of waiting before looping back to disappointment? Easter.

Jesus knows (and can relate to) dissapointment, discouragement, anger, jealousy, being “over it,” hope in the Creator, back to hurt, and waiting. Cue holy week. Heck, even as a child, he knew that he would have to wait 33 years for his mission to be accomplished. He could have easily ditched his humanity and decided to come as fully God and not fully human, but our God wanted to feel what we feel so that that same God could send us the exact comfort that we needed on our Saturdays via God’s sweet Holy Spirit.

The only thing I’ve ever known I’d be when I “grow up,” without a shadow of a doubt, is a mother. God put that promise over my heart and I have to cling to it on Saturday, for however many days that Saturday lasts (Hebrews 11:11).

So my sweet friend, what is your Saturday? Maybe infertility isn’t your story, but it’s something else. Maybe your storm looks different than mine, or maybe my words, in fact, are your own. Nonetheless, the Bible says that “though my sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).

Your (Easter) morning is coming, and so is mine.

Can we just rejoice in that? For every fear we have, there is an empty grave, because the risen One has overcome (to quote Elevation worship). If you ever need a friend who you can turn to that resonates with a Saturday, turn to Jesus. If you need a human version, message me. I’ll listen and love you, exactly where you are.

Saturday stinks, I know, but Sunday’s coming!

Further Reading:

  • John 16:33
  • Romans 5:3-5
  • Deuteronomy 8:2

Old for New (Maundy Thursday Home Worship)

Are you one of the many Christians totally thrown off by the fact that you won’t be worshipping in your local church during Holy Week? Well friend, me too. That’s why I’m here typing.

Remember that little song we used to sing as kids? “I am the church, you are the church, we are the church to-ge-therrrrr!” Well, that’s exactly right. Our church is not a building, a church is not a steeple…it’s the people. You and I can totally worship a perfect & awesome God, wherever we are. No pandemic can stop that. You see, the enemy tries to distract us and we must remember that God is a creative God, and we are made in God’s image…so we just have to get creative! Just like I’ve seen for weeks – teachers threw together the rest of the year’s schoolwork on one day’s notice – businesses are reinventing the way they operate – churches have moved online, etc. It works! We just have to switch it up a bit. We have to work a little bit harder for the things we want, even though that’s very hard for our society.

You might be asking, “what’s your point, Emily.” Well, my point is, I’ve put together a few intimate things that you can do with the people in your home, or your friends via facetime, zoom, etc. Enjoy, make it your own, and praise Jesus for all that he has done, not just in this season, but every day you’re given life on earth.

Below is a small service for you and your loved ones. Take turns reading / leading each bullet point as you worship together.

MAUNDY THURSDAY SERVICE OUTLINE

What you will need: The worship order (below), bread, wine/grape juice (substitute it for anything if you don’t have it- no one will smite you if it’s coke and potato chips), towel, water, bowl/basin (optional).

Gather in an area with low lighting and candles – an intimate setting – maybe around a table or in a family room.

Introductory thoughts: Today we pause to remember the time that Jesus took to explain to the disciples their (and our) mission on earth. Too often we are concerned with our wants, our needs, our past, our reality, our future, God’s will for our lives, our families, and we very rarely stop to remember that it’s not all about us. Jesus knew he would be betrayed; he knew that it was his last night on earth and could have done anything. Jesus chose to spend his last night on earth teaching one final lesson on servanthood, after all, his biggest lesson on servanthood would be tomorrow night’s sacrifice. The word “maundy” comes from the latin mandatum novum meaning “new commandment.”

Read and consider this verse: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:34-35.

Read: This commandment was new because the standards were higher. The old commandment was to “love your neighbor as yourself,” and the new commandment was to “love as Christ loves us.”

Stop and ponder in silence the difference between the old and new commandments to love your neighbor.

Think (sharing optional): In what ways or to whom do I need to love like Christ loves?

Read John 13 together.

Share: Why do you think that humility, sacrifice and love were Jesus’ last teaching subjects?

Optional activity: Take turns washing one another’s feet. As you wash their feet, pray for them. If you are home alone (or don’t do feet), consider calling a friend and praying for them. Write a note. Anything that puts you in a posture of humility, sacrifice and love.

Thoughts to consider: If Jesus never took the position of a servant, you and I would still be dead in our sin. Take some time to pray your own prayer of gratitude for Jesus’ heart and sacrifice.

Read Matthew 26:26. Take turns serving one another bread, and tell each other “this is Christ’s body broken for you because of His great love.”

Read Matthew 26:27-29. Take turns serving one another the cup of juice/wine and tell each other, “this is Christ’s blood, poured out for you for the forgiveness of your sins and because of His great love.”

Sit in silence for a brief period.

Further Reading and Meditation:

  • Matthew 26:31- Meditate on how Jesus knows our hearts, minds and motives yet still chooses to love us. We see that there is no limit to how far he will go to prove His love for us in spite of who we are.
  • Matthew 26:36-46- Meditate on how Jesus must have felt knowing what was ahead: betrayal, loneliness, pain, slander, a brutal beating and death. However his prayer time in the garden (when he felt the weakest) refocused him on one thought that kept him on track: his triumphant resurrection. Take a moment to let prayer refocus your troubled mind on God’s promise of freeing hope and peace.
  • Matthew 26:47-56- Meditate on the ways you have exchanged Jesus for the things of this world, yet Jesus still calls you “friend” (verse 50, NLT).

Play “To Be Like You” by Hillsong.

Closing thoughts: What kept Jesus focused was his mission and his love for each of us. Our salivation and forgiveness were worth all the pain, rejection, gossip, violence and death. This is the new commandment that he gives us – to love the same way.

Close in a prayer of thanksgiving.

Resurrection Egg Hunt

THE IDEA

In case you haven’t noticed, all the egg hunts and Easter festivities have been cancelled, or are being done virtually/at-home level, but let me tell you friends, YOU CAN’T CANCEL EASTER. Death couldn’t stop Jesus’ plans, so this chica WILL celebrate in the midst of a global pandemic & maybe you are thinking the same.

Here’s an idea for you & your kids during this time together. It’s a way to bring the fun of an Egg Hunt and the message of Easter all together. Shoot, if you’re like me and you don’t have kids, do this with a spouse or go hide them at a friends house, leave and facetime them from home to give them clues. Sooo..without further suspense, here’s my idea!

My mom did resurrection eggs with me as a kid, and maybe yours did too, but this takes the eggs one step further. You can modify this based on age & energy level, but basically, it’s a scavenger hunt with a message.

WHAT YOU WILL NEED

If you lack any of the specifics, just get creative! Don’t go to the store. For example, – If you don’t plastic eggs, just grab something like a plastic Tupperware container or ziplock baggie

  • Your bible (or your child’s bible) marked with 12 verses (I have included these next to each item) You can also print or write them down on a slip of paper if you don’t have a Bible at home.
  • 12 Plastic Easter Eggs (that open)
  • A small bottle of essential oils or a cotton ball with perfume on it John 12:1-8
  • Something that resembles a palm branch (flat pine needles, grass, decorative eucalyptus–good enough!) Mark 11:8-9
  • A piece of bread Matthew 26:26-28
  • 3 dimes Mark 14:10-11, Matthew 26:15; 47-49
  • A thorn (or something prickly) and/or a small piece of purple fabric John 19:1-2
  • Tooth picks formed into a cross John 19:17-18
  • A couple nails Psalm 22:16-17; Zechariah 12:10
  • A dice and a piece fabric Mark 15:24-26
  • Part of a sponge with vinegar drops on it John 19:28-30
  • Spices such as cloves, cinnamon sticks, and/or bay leaves and a white cloth John 19:40
  • A small rock Matthew 27:60
  • Empty Easter Egg Luke 24:1-3, Matthew 28:5-6

WHAT TO DO

Take your 12 stuffed eggs hide them (in order) in or around your home for your kids, spouse, neighbors, friends to find. I highly recommend sanitizing them after you hide them if it’s for someone who does not live in your home, during this time. You could even do 1-2 a day to extend the fun! Seriously, it’s all about creativity and personalization! You get to make up the clues like you would for a generic scavenger hunt, which like I said, can be done in person, over the phone, facetime, zoom, etc. For example: “Your first egg can be found where the mail carrier goes every day.” Obviously, the first egg would then be in the mailbox for your loved one to find! Your clues can rhyme, be full of inside jokes and references, and absolutely should be tailored to age.

After each stop, read the scripture passage together and if it’s a young child, make sure they understand the significance of the egg’s content. This is your opportunity to share the best story ever told, in a fun way!

If you do this with your loved ones, snap a picture in the comments below and tell me about your experience! Don’t forget though, the most important encouragement is to share this with your friends so they can do it with their kids! Remember what scripture says:

“Train up a child in the way {they} should go; even when {they are old they} will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

Enjoy!

XOXO,

Emily

A lot Can Change in a Week

3 weeks ago on a Tuesday, I was going to work at my new-ish job and really starting to get the hang of being a credit union teller. I had just finished my last bit of orientation and had stayed up the entire night before studying for my 3 exams (we have to take 15 of them so we can totally rock at our jobs). When I got to work that morning and signed into my email, I noticed that corporate had cancelled all testing for the next 90 days and that would only be the beginning of many changes. A lot of emotions flew that morning. One of my co-workers was to take her last exam that morning – it was a huge milestone in more than one way for her & it was just taken from her. For me, I was just peeved that I stayed up all night studying and couldn’t finish my exams on my perfectly laid timeline that I had laid out in my head, but for my sweet friend, it meant more.

By the end of that week our lobby closed (okay more like 2 days later) and we had to totally re-think the way we service our members. I had to temporarily say goodbye to half of our staff for the “foreseeable future” because we would be working 5 on and 5 off in two different work crews. I was lucky.

Some of you might have gotten the shorter end of the stick. Many of you lost jobs permanently or temporality or had to quickly reinvent your entire business to keep it in operation. Some had to cancel or postpone big events such as weddings, graduations, and parties. Most of us searched aimlessly for basic necessities that we were so used to just “grabbing.” Some of you have been exposed or lost a loved one to the virus. The simple act of just getting to see and hug my mom has now been ripped from my reality, and that is something I personally took for granted. In a flash, everything changed because one single event occurred. It has been like the worst game of dominos ever imagined.

A lot can CHANGE in a week. Trust me, Jesus would understand that.

The people of Israel had been waiting for a Savior. They had been waiting for the promised king to come as save them from their current situation, themselves, the crippling world – all of it. HOLLA -we could use that today, right? They knew that they needed saving & that nothing in the world would ever satisfy their souls comparable to the One they had read about in Scripture. They would know this prophecy:

“Rejoice, O people of Zion! Shout in triumph, O people of Jerusalem! Look, your king is coming to you. He is righteous and victorious, yet he is humble, riding on a donkey–riding on a donkey’s colt.”

Zechariah 9:9 NLT

Religion was a super big deal in that day. I mean, it was enforced by some pretty harsh & self righteous religious dudes who assumed they were basically next-to-God-good. These people in Israel would have known what the scriptures said, which meant that when my man Jesus came rollin’ up on a donkey, it would have been a big deal, showstopper.

Can we just pause for a second? Place yourself on that road. Make yourself an Israelite that had been waiting, every day for this moment to happen. And then just like that, it was happening, and you were there. If you’re not there yet in your mind, I want you to think of something you’ve wanted your entire life and had to wait most of it to come. What would you emotions be like? How would you react? Because oh yes, Jesus came, and he came in style.

“The next day, the news that Jesus was on the way to Jerusalem swept through the city. A large crowd of Passover visitors took palm branches and went down the road to meet him. They shouted,

‘Praise God! Blessings on the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hail to the King of Israel!’

Jesus found a young donkey and rode on it, fulfilling the prophecy that said:

‘Don’t be afraid, people of Jerusalem. Look, your King is coming, riding on a donkey’s colt.”

John 12:12-15

Jesus knew what he was doing. He was a man of detail – oh how I love this quality of his! He knew that in order to fulfill the prophecy, he couldn’t grab a camel or sheep, it had to be a donkey. This was a sign to the people that he was the real deal. You see, a donkey was a symbol of power & a king would only ride a donkey once he had secured peace for his people. What. a. statement. And oh how the people wouldn’t know what he would have to do to secure that peace, but they would soon find out within a week’s time. The religious leaders already hated Jesus because he was a threat to their power, and so this was a boldest-of-the-bold moves on Jesus’ part. This was basically him throwing himself into the hands of his enemies. However, he didn’t hesitate, because it was the reason he was born & walked the earth – to fulfill the prophecy.

“Hosanna in the highest,” they shouted as they threw down all of their robes and garments before him. This was like the OG red carpet before red carpets were a thing. And the disciples? Kinda clueless. Jesus was like “hey, go get me this colt and tell the owner exactly what I tell you and that owner will just give up the colt willingly for my ride.” Could you imagine the limo services today doing that? No, there’s paperwork, there’s scanning of driver’s license, blood sample….ha, kidding, but you get the point. Jesus said it and it happened. The word hosanna means “God save us; God rescue us; save us Lord we beg.” These people saw Jesus as their savior and king of Israel and they cried out for his rescue. Oh how we still shout Hosanna today! Lord, save us. Lord, rescue us. Lord, we beg of you. We just want our current reality to pass.

Though, what’s interesting about this is that these same voices who proclaimed Jesus as their saving grace also yelled to the top of their lungs, CRUCIFY HIM only five. days. later.

A lot can change in a week, y’all. We know that more than ever now, as I mentioned earlier, but also in our spiritual walks when there isn’t a global pandemic spreading. “We go to church on Sunday and cuss on Monday,” isn’t that how the ole country song goes? Here are some thoughts to ponder as you enter into this high and holy week that will suffice during the times of Covid-19 or days, months, or even years to come:

  • In what ways does my faith waver throughout the week? Do I notice when it wavers?
  • How often do I use my lips to bless and praise God versus complain, vent, gossip, etc. about my situation?
  • What other things do I place “on the donkey” as my king, savior, idol, etc.? How do mindlessly assume those things will “secure my peace?”
  • Do I believe that Jesus has secured my peace and is the source of it for my life?

Prayer: Hosanna, Lord Jesus! We need your rescue on this day. Help us to place you back on that donkey and humbly lay down our possessions, idols, pride, and lives before you. You deserve all glory, laude and honor. You are the only one who will save us from ourselves, our situation and the enemy that wages war against our thoughts and hearts. Forgive us of our flippant faith. Transform our minds and hearts as we turn them to you. Forgive us when we abandon your presence, love and bright plan for our lives. Help us to praise you and encourage others to know you. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Activities for kids:

  • Act out the Story of Jesus Entering Jerusalem together
  • Make a Washi Tape or construction paper Hosanna Palm Branch (and of course, wave it!)
  • Draw a palm branch on your driveway or sidewalk for others to see as they walk by (and maybe even help your kiddos write the word “Hosanna” and words of peace for your neighbors)
  • Make a Palm leaf bookmark for their Bible (or favorite book) with either of the scriptures I listed (or others!)
  • Enter the beautiful world of Pinterest for more ideas! Click here.

Remember friends, “Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.” Christ’s presence brings us peace, and who doesn’t need that?

Christian Cosmo

I’ll admit it: this post was a little more difficult to write because it’s packed full of things that are so personal, so expect it to be full of my opinions. I’ll just jump right in. ‘Ya know how everyone’s always saying, “Oh, just be yourself,” and “be true to you,” but when you do, and it’s not what they expect, it’s almost as if it’s wrong? Oh that’s so annoying. Like how, for some of us, “being ourselves” may seem like we’re being fake, but we just genuinely love fashion, make up, and all things sparkly. Anyone with me on this?

Let me just tell you folks, if I had a nickel for every good hearted Christian lady who told me that I was “beautiful just the way God made [me],” I’d be able to buy all the makeup and clothes I’ve ever wanted. Um, hello sis, you think I don’t know that? I believe, with all of my heart, that everything God made is beautiful. I am all about the love – loving God, loving others, loving nature, loving self- we should LOVE. IT. ALL. However, please, for the love, stop assuming that I am a tiny, vain girl just because I prefer a full face of makeup. Puh-lease. Just because I love Jesus, that does not that mean I have to give up my love for fashion and beauty. Though it’s not my top preference, I am 100% unashamed to rock sweats, a frizzed ponytail and no makeup to any public location. I just feel better when I’m put together. Who doesn’t?

Everyone Has Insecurities

Admittedly, though I know I’m beautiful and made in God’s image, I have my own insecurities—everyone does. For me, I was born with super thin skin under my eyes, so my veins shine through nice and bright without makeup. When I first wake up in the mornings, I look like I’ve been punched in both eyes. It’s quite lovely (cue the sarcasm). For this reason, my favorite go-to makeup product is definitely concealer. I typically don’t leave my house without it- again, not because I feel I need it, but because I feel much better with it on my face. I’m more confident. Watch out world when I’m wearing my Tarte Shape Tape.

Friend, let me ask you: do you feel more confident and successful when you’re put together or when you’ve put absolutely no effort into your look? Totally possible and cool if you’re good either way, but according to Business Insider, “dress for success” is actually a real thing & more than a popular motto.

Dress for Success

Dressing up affects not only how you feel, but also how others feel around you & it’s also proven to boost your success with abstract thinking.  Business Insider also had these thoughts to share:

“In a study completed at Yale in 2014 that used 128 men between the ages of 18 and 32, researchers had participants partake in mock negotiations of buying and selling. Those dressed poorly (in sweatpants and plastic sandals) averaged a theoretical profit of $680,000, while the group dressed in suits amassed an average profit of $2.1 million. The group dressed neutrally averaged a $1.58 million profit. According to a co-author of the study, this shows that the poorly dressed participants would often defer to the suited ones, and these suited participants could sense this heightened respect, backing down less than they might have otherwise. In another study, participants who dressed up were more likely to engage in abstract, big-picture thinking like a CEO, while those less well-dressed concerned themselves with minor details.”

Before this post de-rails and I give you permission to go max out your credits cards on a new wardrobe, or even worse, limit success to those that can afford nice clothing, let me make the point that I’ve come here to make: if someone wants to dress up nice and wear a full face of makeup, let them – it doesn’t affect your life at all. Instead, giving such permission will release a spirit of freedom to those who are graced with exactly that. Authenticity breeds authenticity, just like conformity breeds conformity. There will absolutely be some people who hate dressing up and wearing make up- don’t force them to do it.

The same scenario is true for kindred spirits of mine who prefer to glow up.

Too often, we as a society force opinions and lifestyles on our people, thus sending everyone into a spiraling frenzy. Please, can we just let these queens be themselves and in the process, let them encourage others to do the same?  When that message isn’t loud and clear, you see competition, greed, restlessness, envy, anxiety, debt, and the list goes on and on. I must be clear, I am not a “anything goes girl.” If you “being yourself” is causing harm to others and/or yourself, is criminal, or doesn’t reflect the heart of Christ…well, I am not here to encourage that.

We spend too much of our lives caring about what people think about us. Caring too much what people think can send us spiraling in one of two ways.

  1. It can make us overspend to buy the latest and greatest clothes and products, even if we cannot afford it. We start to say things like “I have to have those things,” and they almost become obsessive thoughts as we scroll through and add things to our online wishlist (okay, maybe that’s just me). Y’all, there are nice things out there for any budget (thank you Goodwill and Wet N Wild)!
  2. It can keep us from expressing on the outside what we feel on the inside. In other words, caring too much about others’ hypothetical opinions can keep us from being our true selves. Did you catch that? Sometimes we keep ourselves from expressing our God-given flair because someone might have an opinion about it. Yikes, how exhausting.

The sad truth is, most of us feel that way because someone has said something. With that being said, cue the stories….

My Beauty Background

There have been plenty of times folks have misjudged me because what I’ve chosen to wear & you probably gathered that by my good-hearted-Christian-lady comment. Any diva church girl can relate, I’m sure. “Honey, you don’t need all that makeup,” or “If God thought you needed all that, you’d be born with it.” Man, we Christian girls just get to sit in the corner and watch all the other girls play dress up, I guess? NOT ME! These comments are not helpful for building up the kingdom because someone is taking their preference and making it the bar that is set for all. You may look at makeup as a mask that covers up who we truly are, but I look at it as something that enhances the beauty that’s already there. It’s like a fresh coat of paint or new floors in an already beautiful, and full of character, home. It’s beautiful on it’s own, but with a fresh look, you see things about the room you’ve never paid attention to before. Just check out our house. It was absolutely beautiful when we moved in in 2015, otherwise we wouldn’t have purchased it. The “after” picture containing our furniture expresses our style, personality and charm. Both are beautiful, but the one we got to design is more us.

Makeup and fashion have always been about creativity and design for me. I have always loved arts and crafts, and honestly, it’s just one more extension of that. I love the art of a blank canvas and creating something that excites me. Notice I didn’t say: I love making myself beautiful. Duh, we already covered that. I’m beautiful & so are you.

I love piecing together outfits and challenging myself to a new type of look. Gosh, I can’t tell you the many hours I’ve spent watching YouTube and learning new hair and makeup tricks. One might think that the fashion and beauty world are full of shallow sharks, and while that may be true, it’s also full of beautiful people empowering others to express the beauty that is within. Many beauty brands give back through philanthropic initiatives with every purchase, just look them up. It’s really a beautiful thing. A few that immediately come to mind are Younique, La Mer, Beauty Blender,  Mary Kay, The Right to Shower, Beautiful Rights & many more!

My personal style is so all over the place, too. You might catch me in leggings and a t-shirt, something hippie-dippy-boho, or my personal fav, something bold. Regardless of what you see me in, it’s appropriate, and it’s for me – not anyone else. Well, we all have our salacious teenage years, but God forgives us for that. In my adult life, what I wear might make a statement, but you don’t see anything you’re not supposed to see, if ‘ya know what I mean. I have never been someone to put on something to impress anyone else or get a lot of attention. I wear outfits and I put on make up because it makes me feel good, and I couldn’t honestly care less if it affects anyone else.

Can anyone raise a hand to that one? Have you ever reached for a bold outfit or lip color and thought, “Should I wear this,” or “is this too much?” Queen, you wear that funky outfit. You rock that bold lip. Anyone who judges you simply wishes they had the audacity and the confidence to wear it themselves.

And maybe they don’t. Maybe they think you’re totally weird, but honestly, who gives? You’re leaning in to who you were made to be, and the more you do that the more others will eventually do the same.

Tomboy to Diva

I grew up a total tomboy thanks to the predominant male population in my household, extended family and neighborhood. I’m pretty sure I went around looking like this for most of my childhood.

In middle school, I began to wear a little bit of makeup and loved it. It was mainly just eye shadows and lip-gloss, but I felt like such a princess. By the time I got to high school, I was wearing pretty much, a full face of makeup. The older I got, the more I aware I became of how judgmental people are – especially Christians (sorry, I said it). Why is it that so much shade is thrown on people who are tapping into what they love? I can’t help my interests are sports or a musical instrument. Why are comments made in hate when someone posts pictures of himself or herself? Why do we judge someone before we even get a chance to get to know him or her?

One summer at church camp we were all sitting around the campfire when the staff asked us all to think of someone we had judged, and then the next time we saw that person, they challenged us to ask them for forgiveness. I thought it was a really nice sentiment, thought of my person, and then moved on, not knowing what was about to happen. Minutes later, after we had called it a night and “lights out” had been announced, this girl I hadn’t met yet, approached me. She introduced herself and then asked for my forgiveness. Imagine my confusion, y’all. “Umm…sure, but I’m not exactly sure why you’re asking me for forgiveness – we’ve never met,” I said. I was not expecting the words that were about to come out of her mouth. She said “Each day I watched you get ready. You put on a makeup…at CAMP! I thought that was very weird, so I assumed you were very shallow and vain. I didn’t get to know you for this reason. I’m sorry I misjudged you. Will you forgive me?” Gulp. Holy Crap! Are you serious? Is this really what goes through people’s minds? I must be oblivious, but how cool was it that she even came up to me and said that. That’s courage. That maturity. Man, when was the last time I marched right up to someone and apologized for judging them? It’s been a hot second.

Don’t Disqualify Yourself

A couple years later, when I was 15 years old, I received my call to ministry. Every fiber in my being knew that God was calling me to go into Youth Ministry, but look at me, I don’t fit the mold. Youth Pastors are either old fat dudes with soul patches or young hipster people, and here I am, the Elle Woods of Youth Ministry.

Why do people say you can’t have beauty and brains? That’s just silly. I just knew that people would take one good look at me and consider me out of place because of the way that I look. Why is that? I figured that their perception of what a Youth Pastor would look like was similar to mine because y’all, that’s what we see. “Here comes Christian, Youth Minister Barbie…what does she know.” I assumed people would say. Well, you know when you fear a certain perception, and you know it’s just a fear and most likely not true, but then all of a sudden, it comes true? Yeah, that happened to me.

One day, during one of my capstone courses during junior year of college, we had “Dress for Success” day. Ha! My professor must have read that article in Beauty Insider. Dress for Success day was basically a day in which we all would dress in what we would wear to a job interview, walk up and down the aisles of the classroom, and the class would tell you exactly what they think of your look. Since I was in college, I didn’t really have anything in my closet that I would ever wear to a job interview. I had jeans and t-shirts, and well, truthfully, clubbing clothes. Because the members of my class were like family, and because I didn’t think this was that big of a deal, I pieced together an outfit. It was nice, but nothing I would wear to a job interview. I wore white dress pants that I wore to the Salsa Club every weekend with my Salsa Class, and I paired it with a pink scooped-neck top. Again, let me reiterate, I would never wear this on a job interview, but I was clothed and it wasn’t sweats. I had no idea what was coming when the professor called my name.

I got up, walked to the front, and the comments started flying. What I was really surprised with were the comments that they seem to just be reaching for, such as “you have something written on your hand, it looks like you forgot something.” Um, that would be a reminder for my next class – didn’t realize you would be staring at my hands for this activity?! Oh, and they really loved the hair-tie around my wrist. What I wasn’t expecting was my biggest fear becoming a reality. I cannot make this up. Someone literally raised their hand and said “You’re naturally really pretty, so you’re going to have to really grunge yourself down in your role as a Youth Minister so you don’t turn on your youth boys.” I was speechless.

Excuse me?! Did you really just say that out loud? I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or offended, but all I know is that it scarred me for quite some time. So, just because I’m decent looking, I have to grunge myself down to be successful and professional? Unfair. The only response that I could come up with is “I hope that I’m professional enough and have a good enough relationship with my youth boys that there will be an obvious boundary in place.” SPOILER ALERT: I was right.

Unfortunately, for years since that comment, I played it safe. I wore dresses that made me look years older, just so I could avoid being the “too sexy” Youth Minister. I felt like I had to cover up a piece of myself to fill these shoes that God had called me to put on for this time and place. In a way, I was disqualifying who I felt I was for what I was told I should be. I mean, had God gotten it wrong? Was it sinful to be a beauty enthusiast? I thought all of these things, sadly. Multiple times I told myself that I needed to “cover up” a piece of who I was to do the work that called me to do. Don’t misinterpret this. I wasn’t wearing anything scandalous and justifying it; I was wearing modest, stylish clothing and since it stood out for it’s style, I felt like it was a distraction from my work. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t be both a fashionistA and a preachA.

The more I grew into my role and taught to the kiddos to “be themselves and never let anyone tell them otherwise,” I knew I had to start taking my own advice. I began letting little pieces of my flair show, and I like to think it was contagious among my youth. I hope and pray that I helped set the atmosphere to one that allowed each person to be true to his or herself.  Now I love being the Elle Woods of Youth Ministry! It keeps life mysterious and exciting. In my recent headshots taken my big bro John, of John Couch Photography (shameless plug), I bought a bright pink suit to show that side of myself off to the world.

There are a ton of boutiques and shops that have very fashionable yet very appropriate items for you Christian girls who may be struggling with the same thing. A few of my favorites are:

Two of my other favorites also give back, and I’m sure you have a favorite one that also does this!

  • Altar’d State– Slogan is “Stand Out for Good” and mission is: to serve as an inspiration, empower others and give more than we receive. We do this by lifting those who need a helping hand, volunteering our time to enrich lives, and extending the power of prayer. By shopping their collection, you are providing food to the hungry, support to those battling cancer, and giving underprivileged children a bright future. Click here for more details.
  • Saving Paige Boutique- Every day Saving Paige donates a portion of every purchase to a genuine person or cause. With every purchase you make, you are helping the world become a better place. You can click here to see who they’re helping today.

What’s your style? Do you brazenly show it off to the world? If you hesitate to scream YES to that question, ask yourself: why do I, or rather, who makes me, feel this way? Friend, this world needs a little more authenticity! Go ahead and just be you, whether that makes you dressed up like me or livin’ your best sweats life.

Note to Loved Ones

Now, I cannot write this post without addressing the loved one who are always packing in the unsolicited advice about why we should or should not wear something. We hear you, we respect you, and we know these are all words of love. I also see my friends who do not wish to dress up or wear makeup, and of the same type of loved ones are saying things like “Maybe if you wore a little makeup, you’d have a boyfriend.” Ah, dear friends. I’m sorry. Loved ones of these friends – I will politely also tell you to please be quiet and mind ‘ya business. Our job as loved ones is to cheer for each other, encourage each other’s best, challenge one another, pray for one another, and for the love of Jesus, accept and support one another. You may have a style that I don’t get, and that’s cool. I hope you rock it as hard as I’m rocking mine.

What the Bible Says

I know that as a believer in Jesus Christ, we are taught countless Scriptures that lead us to believe at first glance that it’s almost sinful to wear our little black dress and new lip balm on a girls night out; however, I feel like we’re kinda ignoring the context of these scriptures. Here’s a couple of examples….

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV

The word “adorning” is not referring to the actual actions of the hair braiding and the fancy jewelry and clothes, but instead is referring to where the woman finds her source of beauty. If we find our source of beauty from our clothes, jewelry, makeup, others’ approval, followers on instagram…well, then yes, that is wrong. We should instead find our source of beauty from our loving Creator, and if we were “knit together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139)” by that same Creator, “made in [the Creator’s] image (Genesis 1:27),” then in those same places is our source of beauty. Has your Mama ever told you, “it’s what’s on the inside that’s the most beautiful?” Well, Mama is right. Dear friend, the inside is where God knit together your soul, and that’s the most beautiful thing!

The women Peter would be describing in this Scripture would be wearing such things simply for attention – to prove wealth or, well, to show if they wanted a good time. My boy Pete is not saying “don’t do your hair,” but instead, don’t find your worth in how good (or bad) your hair looks. Wear whatever type of jewelry you would like, but don’t think for one second it adds to your personal value. Buy that cute outfit, but don’t let it define you or cause you to go bankrupt. The moment we begin obsessing over clothes, shoes, the latest makeup products, then maybe that’s the time we take a deep breath and pray that God reminds us of what real beauty is all about.

Words of Wisdom from Ms. 9 to 5

One of my favorite people of all time is Dolly Parton. I honestly wish she would run for President because I think she’d lead us into world peace in 2.5 seconds with her beautiful singing voice, sweet accent, loving but no-nonsense personality, big hair, and well, big other things (which she says are “all hers” because they’re “bought and paid for”- Love you, Dolly). Some have thrown shade on Dolly for years for her “plastic” look, but she couldn’t care less.  She told Hadley Freeman in an interview for The Guardian that “I may look fake, but I’m real where it counts.”  Amen, Dolly, Amen. Anyone who has seen Dolly in action, knows this to be oh so true. She also shares a thought that I think can summarize exactly what I’m trying to say. Dolly shares, “A lot of people have said I’d have probably done better in my career if I hadn’t looked so cheap and gaudy. But I dress to be comfortable for me, and you shouldn’t be blamed because you want to look pretty.”

Friends, I’m declaring that the days of judging and sharing your opinions freely like they are gospel are O-V-E-R. We, the divas, will no longer live our lives in accordance to your opinions, but we will instead live our lives in the skin that God gave us – painted up or not – we get to decide.

(Wel)Come Just As You Are

At a very young age, I learned really quickly that I love having people over to my house. For people like me, having people over is honestly magical; however, I understand that this is not the case for every individual. You, my friend, may be the type of person who gets immediate heart palpitations and clammy hands at the mere thought of having guests in your home. Right away you panic at the long list of things that need to be cleaned, bought, and completely renovated before any guest ever steps foot in your home. Phew, how exhausting!

Can I offer you some peace? Can I eliminate some pressure for a second by explaining some necessary shifts in your mindset that may be associated with hospitality? If I do my job correctly in this post, you will walk away with a better grasp of how you can totally rock the hosting game, gain a few low-cost ideas for your next get-together, and ultimately give you a better understanding that it’s not about hosting at all. It will always and forever be all about genuine hospitality – but we will get there, let’s not get ahead of ourselves!

Let me just ask you this: which person are you? Are you the hostess with the mostess or are you the one passed out on the floor when you get the call from your friends that you haven’t seen in ages, that say, “we’re just around the corner and are going to stop by for a bit.” If you are the latter, trust me, even as the hostess with the mostess, I must confess, I have done my fair-share of “oh-crap-they’re-coming” dances. Here are a few of my last minute guest confessions:

  • Dirty dishes are tossed into the oven or dishwasher (most of the time both)
  • Laundry or random objects are tossed under the bed or in a spot that can’t be seen by the naked eye (garage, spare bedroom, etc)
  • Cans upon cans of air freshener are sprayed all over while running around the house like freaks (freaks, plural, because my husband and I both do this crazy-train-dance, together – solidarity!)
  • And the mother of all confessions…I have a spot in my house that is comparable to “Monica Geller’s closet” for all of you true, FRIENDS fans

Allow my authentic transparency to cut you some slack in the hosting department. Obviously as soon as they leave, we clean up our mess…we’re not total slobs. If you skip this step then maybe you should consider a cleaning routine to eliminate future panic attacks, my friend. 😉

The point is: having people in our homes shouldn’t be something we run from in fear and insecurity. If you haven’t figured this out already, let me break the news to you: you don’t need a home designed by my homies, Chip and JoJo, nor do you need to “wait just until that next project is finished and then have friends over.” Geez Louise, I think my husband and I went years saying that until we realized that very few people had seen the inside of our home. Friend, I can assure you that there will always be something that you want to do to update your home, or to make it more “you.” There will always be some sort of stain, crack, smudge, or repair that you need to fix. There will always be someone else’s home that makes you feel like yours is a cardboard box. Do not wait to have people over until everything is perfect, or you will never have people over. And don’t we have the same mindset with a God? We want to clean up our whole lives before we feel like we can come to God. God has always and forever had the mindset of “Child, come as you are.” All of the yuck, the brokenness, and shame. God doesn’t run from that but welcomes it, because God can use that. In the same way we should “welCome as we are”- in true transparency – because none of us are super humans.

Homeowners and home renters…can we just take a solid second and praise Jesus that we have a roof over our heads? The alternative is homelessness, which is such a tragic and real thing for nearly 600k people in America.

Here’s the truth, my friend. If you can relate to anything I’ve said so far, you may need a perspective change – one that I’ve had to develop myself.  When people come over to my house, they are not coming in with clipboards to perform a home inspection; they are coming to spend time with my husband and me. Have we forgotten the power of good, old-fashioned company? Don’t get me wrong; I am the queen of all things Hobby Lobby and Home Goods. I love to decorate, host, and throw unforgettable parties; however, if my focus is solely on those decorative details, I’m doing a horrible disservice to those entering my home, as well as myself.

I grew up in the northern part of Winston-Salem in a home that was by any means fancy. I am the youngest of 4 children and my mother was a stay-at-home-mom. We didn’t have the fanciest of things but good-golly we were always happy, we had everything we ever needed & our home was always full of fun and fellowship. Most of the people I went to school with lived in beautiful, Buena Vista homes, which at times made me feel a little out of place, but never insecure. I have never ever been embarrassed of my home and what I’ve been blessed with in my life. Their homes may have been big and full of fancy furniture, but my home was full of first-class love and warmth. Homemade memories were always being made, something Southern & yummy was always being cooked, and you can bet your bottom dollar that if you pull up to my parents’ house, to this day, you’ll see all of our heights from ages 0-now still written in pencil and sharpie on the kitchen doorframe leading to our basement.

When my friends would come over for sleepovers, I would always hear them say “we love coming to your house because it’s so cozy and feels like home.” They were right. It is still the coziest place on earth.

Friend, do you think you have to be qualified for a Better Homes and Gardens cover story in order to invite people into your home? Do you make a million excuses before throwing that party, or having that couple over for dinner? Here have been some of my excuses (again, confession time!)

  • My house isn’t big enough…where would everyone sit?
  • I can’t afford to throw a dinner party…I don’t have a full place setting & food is expensive!
  • What would I do to entertain them? I don’t want them to be bored…
  • Projects are halfway done in my house…if one more person asks about that white paint swatch that’s been sample-painted for 2 years, I might flip out
  • I don’t have time…sacrificing another week night or even a weekend project for another social hour is not realistic
  • Spontaneous hospitality gives me so much anxiety!!!

Is anyone with me on any of these excuses? Well, here’s the thing about excuses…they are fear-driven and keep us from achieving the possible. Here’s what I’ve learned about every single one of my excuses….

Big Memories in Small Places

For nearly two years in the beginning on our marriage, my husband and I lived in a 500ish sq. ft. guesthouse behind some dear friends of ours. That tiny house saved our marriage in more ways that one.  Man, we had some good times there. In tiny places, you have to find one aspect about your home that makes it unique and play that to your advantage. In our guesthouse, we had an amazing backyard because our friends have 7+ acres of land. Our favorite spot at our guesthouse was the back porch and the yard. We hosted many porch parties and bonfires. People brought lawn chairs and we were set. Obviously in that small of a house, there was no room for a dining room, much less a dining room table, so many of times we pushed together multiple card tables in our foyer/living room and put a super-cute table cloth on, threw some flowers in a vase, and it was extremely charming. People are don’t always remember if there’s a place for them to sit, but they do remember if there’s a place for them in your heart. A simple invitation is so life giving. Truth is, who actually sits down the whole time at a party, anyway?

You might be thinking, “I don’t have a porch or a yard, or any other ‘unique spot’.” I hear you. If you have a tiny space to work with, no countertops or large table for food, don’t feel the pressure to have a sit down meal. Just push back your furniture, put different appetizers of food on trays and sit them in different places throughout your space so guests don’t cluster to one spot. Turn on some music, light some candles, and just show off the space that you do have. We have such a tendency to linger on what we don’t have that we miss what we do have. If you do desire to have a sit down meal in a small setting, I’ve heard of 15-20 people having a full dinner party in a small apartment. Ask to borrow tables and chairs from friends and family and set them up the entire length of your space. If you’re going to splurge, splurge on a nice tablecloth and flowers. It will be a nice anchor piece and will end up making your space look like a million bucks to your guests when they walk inside, just without the price tag. Don’t have space to cook all of the food AND host because you need your kitchen open for guests to mingle? Find recipes for food items that can be cooked ahead of time.

Smaller spaces create more intimacy; so don’t let the challenge of hosting in a small space get in the way of your party dreams!

The Best Parties Don’t Break the Bank

Y’all….one word, two syllables: POT-LUCK (or if you’re my husband, two words, three syllables: COV-ERED DISH). Do not feel solely responsible to host and provide the meal. Ask your friends and family to bring food! Trust me, you’re inviting them into your home and people don’t want to come empty handed. Empower your people to be a part of the fellowship. A potluck represents a piece of every heart at the party & it’s a natural conversation starter. “Girl, what did you put in this pasta salad? I’m going to need the recipe!” Before you know it, your next event is planned because everyone wants Sally to teach a cooking class.

Two words, three syllables: DOL-LAR TREE. I am the green-status shopper of Dollar Tree (equivalent to red status Chick-fil-a ((which I am)) if it were an actual thing – green in their color…yeah, you get it). Do you know how many things you can get there? Don’t feel the need to go out and buy fine china or a full place setting of anything? Paper or plastic is just fine! If you insist on having a place setting, think smart! Some of my go-to places for cute dinnerware on the cheap are Wal-Mart, Target, Big Lots and Hobby Lobby. I got a full Christmas place setting for 10 people at Walmart for $30. Not kidding. You better believe that my Christmas table looks like I spent $500, but I would have to be insane to do that. Girl, get on Pinterest and get you some hacks, and hack your way to a cheaper, yet prettier party. It may take more work, but that’s all a part of the fun! “Emily, I’m not as crafty as you,” you might be thinking. Well, find you a friend that is, and there’s a perfect day of more fellowship for you two! For the love, do NOT spend a ton of money on a party. People want authenticity, and if you’re living outside of your means, that’s not being authentic.

I must note though, if you have nice things or feel guilty about buying nice things, don’t. If you are able, do it! There’s nothing wrong with having nice things. The problem is when the nice things become idols- when you obsess over new things and you have to have them or you burst. When you use your nice things to bless others, God never frowns upon that. Breathe honey, and buy the farmhouse table if you can afford it. Just think of all of all of the fellowship you can have around that thing.

Entertaining happens on a stage. Hospitality happens in your heart.

I’m a planner. I love having every second of a party planned out, but that’s not exactly Biblical. What is hospitality? My girl Jen Schmidt with the blog“Balancing Beauty and Bedlam” says it best in her book, Just Open the Door.

Jen says, “Hospitality is making your guest feel at home, even if you wish they were.” Hospitality is having an open heart and an open door, even when it doesn’t fit into your schedule or your mindset. Hospitality doesn’t just happen in homes. It can happen at the grocery store when you only have 5 minutes to get a long list of items and you see Chatty Cathy approaching you from the end of the aisle.

Entertaining is expensive, exhausting and requires the very best of the best. Hospitality is a give-as-you-are mindset. Entertaining is most of the time, self-driven. Look at my house, my decorations, my food, and my family. Look at all of this hard work that I put in so that you could have a good time. Hospitality elevates the guest over the host. Jen Schmidt also says that it’s “Status-seeking versus servant hood. ‘Here I am’ versus ‘here you are.’” People very rarely remember the details of a well-planned party, but they do remember when you dropped what you were doing to open the door and listen to them when they needed an ear or a place to crash. Hospitality is our biblical calling. More about that in a minute.

Endless List of Projects

My thoughts on this will be short and sweet: every house has projects to be done. Bam. Finished. Can we move on to the next excuse solution and be comfortable with our unfinished floors and 2-year old paint sample on the entertainment center? Looking at myself on this one.

I’m Too Busy

Is this not the mantra of every person in American these days? We overload our calendars so that the very thought of fellowship with others makes us want to run away and bury ourselves in isolation. Here’s a question: why does spending time in fellowship have to be “one more thing?” Why can’t the time we spend together be beneficial and precious? Hospitality isn’t just dinner parties. I know I’ve already referenced Jen Schmidt twice now, but her book Just Open the Door is too good to not reference her “Busy Bees Night” suggestion at the close of chapter four. Instead of the pressure of putting on normal clothes (because yes, it can be a struggle), cooking a meal, cleaning your house, etc. etc., sometimes you can just pick an item that’s on your to-do list and invite friends to come over and bring items on their to do lists! The idea behind busy bees night is to accomplish one thing off your list that can be done among friends – add a bottle of wine for an even better time! Maybe you have Christmas cards that need to be addressed or laundry to be folded…whatever it is, it can be done on Busy Bees night. That way, you get what you need done, you fellowship with your friends, and you get to be a part of seeing your friends live their actual lives and not these dressed up, set-a part times that requires you to put life on hold and set your to do list aside. Let’s multitask! Let me tell you, some true conversation can come out of mindless activities that have to be done on your to-do list. Your to-do list can no longer be an excuse to not see your friends….sorry!

Spontaneous Hospitality is at the Very Heart of Jesus

I am probably the least spontaneous person, ever. I’ve already told you about our frantic “cleaning” when guests drop by barely announced; however, when it comes right down to it, it’s almost never about hosting as much as it is about the heart of hospitality. We’ve talked a lot about how to throw a great party on a budget and with very little space….but each of us have enough “space” in our hearts to be hospitable, and it’s absolutely free.

It’s possible to be a great host of a home without being very hospitable in your heart. You want to know something crazy? I’m about to blow your mind. Jesus was the most hospitable person to ever walk the face of the earth & yet he never owned a home. Hosting is most of the time surrounding the conditions of your home, whereas, hospitality is about the conditions of your heart. Jesus took hospitality on the road and welcomed every person, everywhere. There will be multiple times in each of our lives where we will be faced with a choice to open our hearts (and doors) to opportunities to model Jesus to others, or slam the doors – metaphorically and sadly, sometimes physically— in people’s faces. We can use any number of excuses, some I’ve previously listed and some in your own minds, but at the end of the day, we need to understand how our openness (or closed-ness) can vastly change lives.

In Chapter 4 of Just Open the Door, Jen says “Come and see, He invited as He traveled (John 1:39). Follow Me, He instructed the disciples (Matthew 4:19), Come eat with me (Luke 17:7) as He opened His life with an invitation to draw near. Walk with me (John 18:12), sit with me (Mark 14:32), and rest (Matthew 11:28), as He welcomed those weary. Come drink (John 7:37), as He poured out life-giving water.” She continues by saying “We learn to make room for one more because He first made room for one more. We invite and gather because He did it first. This most amazing host, the One who teaches what it means to invite others into a new way of life, never had a permanent address, yet He is the embodiment of all things home.”

This changes everything for Christians, and anyone else who desires the sweet freedom that Jesus offers. If people wanted Chip and JoJo’s home, they’d drive to Waco, TX. Instead, they call you for advice. They come to your home for warmth and love. Your home can be both a beautiful party spot and a safe haven for God’s people. What matters is your contentment to welcome, just as you are. Yes, with that one thing out of place and in your “I-just-woke-up-like-this” look.

If we want people to come as they are, we should give ourselves the same courtesy. Sometimes, that means welcoming in a friend amidst a pile of dirty dishes in the sink (looking at you, neurotic hubs), or inviting that new person at church over for lunch after the service, even if you have a million things on your to-do list.

As I was approaching the end of my ministry days at Lewisville UMC, I asked some of my youth and college babes what their favorite memories were from our Sunday nights together. You want to know a common factor? Very few of them could remember details from my very well, planned out Sunday night programs, though they “know they were wonderful,” to quote one college kid. Instead they remembered the late night, spontaneous conversations on mission trips, or the times I held their hands when they cried. What does all of this mean? If you are a planner, and you want to plan out amazing parties, you go for it! That could be the setting that introduces people to life-long friends, and never let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t. More importantly, take time, amidst the planning and beautiful table decorating to invest in the people that walk through the threshold of your home or heart. Hospitality is more than just hosting. It’s including all people and telling each individual that they have a place with you. You’ll never go broke doing that – in fact – your reward in heaven will be plenty.

I personally look to Jesus as the ultimate example of hospitality, but I also understand that others that don’t know Him, may look to me. They might look to you.  I can guarantee you that someone is watching you – especially if you have children. The more others, especially your children, watch you “welcome as you are,” they will grow up and do the same because they will see the power that comes from true, genuine hospitality. It changes lives. And if no one else is watching, please understand the power and potential it has to change you by choosing to be open and making room for one more. We should all want to give others a sense of belonging because that’s what we have been given by Christ. Friends, regardless of your knowledge of the place Christ has set for you at His table, trust me…it’s far better than having a seat saved for you at the popular kids’ table, or a place card with your name on it at the reception of the Royal Wedding. Regardless of who you are, where you’re from, what you did (Gosh, I sound more like a Savage Garden song than scripture), Christ handpicked a seat for you at His table. He chooses you, so we should choose others, without any discrimination or selfish inconvenience.

I challenge you to do something: welcome, just as you are & love them just as they are.